Weddings Redefined

It is looking to be a busy year.  One of the trends I am noticing is that many couples (same-sex and straight) are choosing to have their weddings in the private dining rooms of upscale restaurants, guaranteeing outstanding food and generally a pretty cool atmosphere.  This means smaller but nonetheless stunning weddings!  I love these weddings and because I've now planned quite a few of them, I know the private dining spaces of our area's restaurants rather well.

Yesterday, my dear girls J&K got married at Rialto in the Charles Hotel.  Seems I've now had weddings in Harvard Square's top three restaurants.  The noon wedding started with a Jewish ceremony under a gorgeous chuppah, followed by a cocktail reception for a few hours (complete with scrumptious hors d'oeuvres and a string quartet).  The last 90 minutes was an Ipod dance party with a horah, cupcakes and amazing desserts.  Those cupcakes were out of this world!  Rialto is a great spot and I especially like their private events coordinator.

I told Sarah from Spruce Floral that she made me look good yesterday because the flowers were so stunning. The girls were looking for flowers as art - structured, architectural pieces instead of anything feminine and romantic.  Check out my photos (the professional ones are forthcoming):

Finally, it's nice to wrap up a wedding and see a mother of a bride in the hotel and hear her say "Anytime you need a reference, please give them my phone number, my email.  We couldn't have done it without you!"  Very sweet.  Sweet girls, lovely family.  I have the best career.

When I am asked what my favorite part of a wedding is, my answer is easy: the wedding ceremony.
After all, as much fun as the party is, really it is just a party - and the day is truly about your marriage.

So, how do you make your wedding ceremony personal and uniquely you?  I'll start by telling some fun client stories:

• One of my first clients ever had a pagan wedding. The brides processed together, holding hands, into a recorded version of "All You Need is Love".  The guest chairs were set up in a circle and they greeted their guests during their processional.  There were four altars at which there were blessings.  There was a traditional handfasting ritual and the wedding concluded with a jumping of the broom!  The brides had exactly the ceremony they envisioned and it was perfectly reflective of themselves.
• Another pair of brides had a ceremony co-officiated by an interfaith minister and a District Court Judge/noted civil rights attorney.  Their deeply personal, handwritten vows included phrases like, "I promise to walk with you at sunset every chance I get" and "I promise to take you to Italy at least once a year."  They processed out to a live flute and guitar version of "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" by Stevie Wonder.  Goosebumps! 
• Two grooms with a son had a dear friend officiate their wedding ceremony.  She came into Boston from California quite prepared but try as I might, I couldn't get the grooms to focus on writing their own vows (they had a lot going on in their lives!).  Even at the wedding rehearsal, they still had nothing scripted - nothing like the last minute!  The next day, the ceremony was flawless:  the grooms processed into a live "Trumpet Voluntary", holding their son's hand.  Their friend delivered a stunning ceremony script and the grooms presented before the other the most personal and heartfelt vows I'd ever heard.  There was not a dry eye in the room - and it was so clear why these two gentlemen were absolutely perfect for one another.
• This past fall, two grooms held their wedding ceremony in their gorgeous living room with thirty friends and family members (who had been drinking champagne and having nibbles for 45 minutes).  The 25 minute ceremony was scripted and delivered by a Celebrant who beautifully told the story of their relationship after asking them to complete individual questionnaires and spending quality time learning about their lives together.  One of the readings was from the book Giovanni's Room, one of the groom's favorite novels...
• ...and after that wedding ceremony, Jen was convinced that ours should be deeply personal and memorable and not faux-Catholic or a quickie.  We hired that Celebrant to officiate our own wedding.  I spent some time this morning answering three pages of questions about how Jen enriches my life and how we fell in love - and I can't wait to see what our ceremony looks like.

When planning a wedding, there are so many indulgent details to obsess over.  Jen and I have had so much fun over the past few months indulging in private, at-home wine tastings with potential wedding wines.  It's been great couple-bonding and has been a big obsession of mine (though certainly a fun obsession)!  Our wedding venue provides its own catering and wine list.  We took a look at the list, tried a few, were vaguely disappointed and decided to choose our own and have them order it.  We tried to say within the $10-15/bottle price point because the venue will mark it up 300%.  This has been a fun process...

Choosing the right wine for your wedding can be a wonderful theme-related detail.  For example, I had clients last year who had a travel-themed wedding.  Their custom-designed wedding invitations (below) were boarding passes.  Their table names were photos of places they'd been.  And so on.  The details were great, up to and including their red wine selection, Boarding Pass Shiraz, selected not only because it was thematic but also because they enjoyed the wine.

Last year, I had a couple come in from Pennsylvania to get gay married. I picked them up at their hotel in the morning and brought them to Cambridge City Hall to apply for their license. After that, we all went to apply for "marriage without delay" at the courthouse, and when that was granted, we returned to City Hall to pick up their license.

All the while, I heard great stories about their families, their jobs and the adorable story of how they met...

But, the best part of the day (I think we'd all agree) was when we were in Cambridge City Hall, license in hand, with the Honorable Denise Simmons (Justice of the Peace and Mayor of the City of Cambridge). She officiated a beautiful, simple ceremony in her office and at the conclusion of the ceremony, presented my clients a felt bag. Inside the bag was a key to the City of Cambridge.

Imagine the reaction of these two guys! They were elated! They were two African-American men in their 40s and Ms. Simmons is the only openly-lesbian African-American mayor of a city in the US, handing them a key to her city. I didn't know it was coming - but what a pleasant surprise for all of us! I've worked with Ms. Simmons a number of other times and she always does a wonderful job but that was particularly special.

Yet another reason I often take my clients to Cambridge. The main reason is that Cambridge was the first city in the US to legally issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, beginning at 12 midnight on May 17, 2004.

I feel by taking my clients to Cambridge, not only am I supporting that decision but I'm treating them to a little piece of GLBT history.

Yesterday was the gay wedding in Boston of a couple I've been working with for a few months now. After years of marriage to men, they met through work and one night fifteen years ago, on the 4th of some month, they connected and have been together since. They celebrate their anniversary the 4th of every month, and yesterday on February 4 they married in front of 10 friends and family members, including the three children they raised together who are now in their late teens/early 20s.

These women live in the South and envisioned an upscale, elegant, classic New England wedding and contacted me to make this happen. They wanted the ceremony and reception in the same building and preferred this to be a hotel for guest convenience in early February. I set to the task of identifying venues that fit the bill, although I had one in mind from the get-go and that's where the wedding was - the Lenox Hotel. It's lovely and I visited it on their behalf and found it to be absolutely perfect for them. They agreed and off we went.

This couple wanted a ceremony officiated by an Episcopal priest but Episcopal priests are not legally allowed to perform same-sex marriages. Instead, I arranged a ceremony performed by my new favorite local Justice of the Peace and blessed by an Episcopal priest. Both were great and it was a beautiful ceremony, with Communion.

I met this couple for the first time in January when they were here for a brief visit to apply for their marriage license, tour the hotel, select wines and meet the florist and priest. We had a great lunch in the hotel pub and got to know each other as friends. I love that.

Yesterday's wedding was exactly what they were looking for. The formal ceremony was in a second floor function room with a table of family photos, tons of candlelight and divine flowers from my favorite florist. The flowers and floating flower/candle pillars were stunning. After the ceremony and group photos (taken by one of my favorite photographers who is shooting my own wedding), I brought everyone to the restaurant for cocktail hour and dinner at Azure. The room was stunning.

My favorite part? The sweet toast by the oldest son, Charlie. What great kids they raised, and his toast was a testament to their relationship and the foundation that they provided their children. It brought tears to my eyes. And that is why I do what I do. I still believe these weddings are making history, changing minds, bringing people together and validating relationships one wedding at a time. And it's my job and my pleasure to make this process as easy as possible, creating a beautiful, memorable event for these lovely folks.

This story in photos is here...

I received a call on Tuesday, May 18, 2004, by a gentleman looking for help planning his gay wedding. It was to be held in six days in Boston.

We had other clients already - but for weddings further out. This was a wedding in a week. They had the venue. I needed to find wedding cake, a photographer, flowers, ceremonial music, and drinks. The idea was to have the wedding in a church and a cake and punch reception immediately following - the wedding and reception were open to all.

The ceremony was at First Church Boston, a Unitarian Church on Marlborough Street in the Back Bay. One of the grooms was so excited that his was going to be the first gay wedding at this historic church that he sent around a press release he wrote about it.

When I arrived at the Church for setup, I watched another gay couple and their friends pose for photos after their ceremony just concluded. Turns out that my clients were the second gay couple to get married at First Church.

So I did it and hired vendors I would begin to work with routinely afterwards. The ceremony was beautiful, very elegant and the grooms were handsome. All the vendors did their job exceptionally well, and my girlfriend at the time and I served up cake and punch to the guests, some of whom were strangers to the grooms.

I still get that question from reporters and prospective clients: what was the shortest amount of time you were given to plan a wedding?

That was my first gay wedding and to this day, I still think of every one since as making history.