14 Stories

Same-sex marriage has been legal since 2009 but Vermont’s history of LGBT rights goes back to 1993 when it became the first state to create civil unions.   Vermont is one of the least populous states in the country, meaning there are loads of wide open spaces for your country wedding.  

Where to Stay:  Stowe, Vermont is a great choice as a home-base for gay wedding planning in Vermont and you simply cannot beat the luxury of the Stowe Mountain Lodge which not only has stunning accommodations but beautiful wedding backdrops as well.  If you are looking for an even more rural experience, check out the Moose Meadow Lodge, a gay-owned inn and wedding venue.

What to Do:  Vermont is all about the outdoors!  Hiking, canoeing and kayaking, skiing and snowshoeing are just some of the possibilities.  Great farm-to-table dining can be found in restaurants throughout the state.  And don’t forget to check out the tastings at Cabot Cheese and Ben and Jerry’s!

How to Get Married:  Simply apply for a marriage license in a town in the county in which you’ll plan to marry in Vermont.  There is no waiting period, no blood tests and there are no witnesses required.  The fee is $20.

Our Picks for LGBT Photographers:  Kelly from Closed Circle Photo knows everything about Vermont and takes beautiful shots.  We also love the other Kelly, from Kelly Prizel Photography who shoots throughout New England.

Our Picks for an LGBT Florist:  Wildflower Designs in Stowe  does lovely work!

Our Picks for LGBT Officiants:  Greg Trulson (also owner of Moose Meadow Lodge) is openly LGBT.

With some major exceptions, Vermont wedding vendors are very welcoming of same-sex couples so you should have a great experience no matter who you choose. Don't forget about us at 14 Stories if you get stuck and are looking for a hand with all of your gay wedding plans in Vermont!

(photo by Jeanette LeBlanc)

This week in the gay wedding travel guide, it's Provincetown, Massachusetts (aka P-town), the tiny town on the tip of Cape Cod and a hugely popular LGBT tourist destination in the U.S.  

For a tiny town, P-town offers world class dining, great shops and beautiful beaches.  It’s a great place to plan your gay wedding but has very few wedding venues and is most suitable for smaller weddings.  Also, July and August are tough times for weddings in P-town because it's high tourist season and many inns require 5 night stays.

Where to Stay:  Gabriel’s is our pick for women with a great location near the center of town.  The rooms are beautiful with great amenities, including an outdoor hot tub!  For guys and mixed groups, we also love the Carriage House (also with an outdoor hot tub!) and the White Porch Inn.  There are many, many inns in Ptown so you'll easily find a great spot.

What to Do:  Stroll the many boutiques and galleries of Commercial Street.  Check out the Provincetown Art Association and Museum in the East End.  Explore the Pilgrim Monument museum to see what P-town was like when the Pilgrims landed (it’s where the Mayflower Compact was signed).  Hit the beaches by bike, car, cab or bus.  Herring Cove is a more accessible and family-friendly bay beach.  Race Point is a more adult beach on the ocean side.  You can rent bikes and ride the paved trails through the dunes.  Enjoy cabaret and drag shows at night or hit one of the town’s nightclubs.

How to Get Married:  You can apply for your marriage license at Provincetown City Hall for $35 but keep in mind that, in Massachusetts, there’s a 3 day waiting period.  If you are in a rush, you can have that waived by a court order if you drive to Orleans, Massachusetts.  We suggest, however, applying for and picking up your license in Boston instead since the courthouse and City Hall are near each other.  We can help with this process through our Vows package.

Our Picks for LGBT Photographers: John Caplice and Doreen Birsell are fantastic and the photo above was shot by Doreen. 

Our Picks for LGBT-owned Florists: Wildflower of Provincetown is our pick especially for more contemporary designs! 

Our Picks for LGBT Officiants: Rev. James Mack can officiate your religious or non-religious ceremony.

P-town’s wedding vendors are very welcoming of same-sex couples so you should have a great experience no matter who you choose.  Don't forget about us if you get stuck and are looking for a hand with all of your gay wedding plans in Provincetown.

This is the first part in a new series every Monday for the next few weeks. Each week we'll be spotlighting an area where same-sex marriage is legal and providing you with some great travel tips and our picks for top same-sex wedding professionals.

This week, it's New York City, the most popular LGBT tourist destination in the U.S. New York has it all. The world's best shopping and finest restaurants, beautiful green space and tons of venues with spectacular views.  

Where to Stay: Start with Kimpton Hotels (our fave when we travel).  Kimpton properties are known for their gay and dog-friendliness, their evening wine hour and contemporary aesthetics. Our personal favorite is Ink 48, located in the heart of Hell’s Kitchen and featuring a beautiful outdoor terrace. If you’re headed downtown, the Ritz Carlton Battery Park is a stunning option with its amazing views of the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. The Ritz is the only 5 star hotel in downtown New York. 

What to Do: Where to start?! Stroll the boutiques and galleries of Soho. Walk the High Line. Dig into the wares at Chelsea Market. Sip coffee in the West Village. Check out one of the hundreds of museums. Hit the clubs in Hells Kitchen and Chelsea. Hold hands on a stroll through Central Park. You’ll never get bored. 

How to Get Married: Head down to City Hall in lower Manhattan during normal business hours and spend $35 on a marriage license. It will be valid 24 hours after you receive it and then you can legally married by a licensed officiant. More details are here. 

Our Picks for LGBT Photographers: Kat Hempel and Erica Beckman’s Clean Plate Pictures are fun and fabulous! 

Our Picks for LGBT-owned Florists: Spruce in Chelsea rocks the clean, modern look. Fleurs NYC and Anthony Brownie (both in the Flower District) are our picks for bigger weddings (note: neither have retail space) 

Our Picks for LGBT Officiants: Rev. Louis is an absolute sweetheart. And our own Rev. Andrew is top-notch!

New York's wedding vendors are, by and large, very welcoming of same-sex couples so you should have a great experience no matter who you choose.  Don't forget about us if you get stuck and are looking for a hand with all of your gay wedding plans in New York!

I was speaking to a groom recently who was confused by our statement on our services page that says that we no longer offer "Day of Coordination."  He thought we planned the wedding but didn't actually show up to run it.  

No way.  We're there all the way through for our clients.

But I figured I should probably do some education on Day of Coordination.  It's a wedding industry term so I apologize if the jargon is confusing.  

Most wedding planners offer a service called Day of Coordination or something similar.  In reality, it's more like "Month of Coordination."  Basically the engaged couple plans the wedding themselves and a Day of Coordinator steps in about a month out to visit the venue and understand the flow and design of the wedding.  He or she contacts the wedding vendors to introduce herself and confirm everything.  He or she creates a schedule and then actually sets up and runs the rehearsal and the wedding day.  

14 Stories doesn't actually offer this service.  We used to but stopped a few years back.  I'm a bit too much of a control freak to let someone else plan the weddings we're involved with. 

We do, however, recommend great professionals who do offer Day of Coordination, and in fact, specialize in it...if this is the service you seek, check out our outstanding colleagues below:

• Chicago:  Elevage Events
• Boston:  Esquire Events and Allure Consulting
• New York:  Just About Married
• San Francisco Bay Area:  Allure Consulting

I have new clients for whom I'm planning a 200+ guest gay wedding on Fire Island in the Pines.  Gay wedding planning on Fire Island requires a mastery of logistics - there are very few resources on the island itself - and most cars (except for the essentials and year-round residents) are not allowed.  We'll have to charter a boat and ship in every table, every chair, light and sound equipment, caterer's equipment, furniture, etc. - but fortunately I have experience with such challenges.

Another consideration for Fire Island is that there are about 700 houses but no real working hotel (yet...there's a small one that is being renovated and promises to be beautifully done and open for 2012).  So, we'll have to reserve a bunch of these houses (many of which are vacation rentals) for wedding guests.  And the only wedding-appropriate structure for a large wedding upwards of 200 guests is Whyte Hall, some photos of which I took below.  Fortunately, Whyte Hall is a fantastic space.

I'm really excited about my new clients and planning a gay wedding in the Fire Island Pines.  Check out the photos below for some inspiration:

the path from the beach to Whyte Hall from the ocean side

Whyte Hall, interior (stage)

Whyte Hall interior

Whyte Hall exterior

Whyte Hall exterior

the ceremony location on the beach

Cocktail party style weddings are very trendy right now, particularly with couples who want to do something nontraditional. While sit down dinners are great, they are not for everyone. This style of wedding can work extremely well - or it can be a disaster. Keep these tips on mind to avoid the pitfalls of such a wedding.

1. Feed your guests - a lot. Just because it's a cocktail party style event doesn't mean you can skimp on food. Whether you have passed hors d'oeuvres all night or some good stations mixed in, keep the food flowing. Your food budget will probably not be less than a typical sit down dinner, so get that idea out of your head!  Your guests may be drinking more of the hard stuff since there's no tableside wine service with dinner so you have to keep them well fed. The last thing you want is guests bad-mouthing you because they had to go out for pizza on the way home from the wedding.

2. Provide enough seating. I suggest seats for at least 50% of your guests. These seats can be lounge seats, small cocktail tables, bar seating, picnic benches or whatever floats your boat - but at some point each guest will want to sit so don't leave them hunting for a chair.  If you have many guests over the age of 60, then provide even more seating.

3. Provide adequate flow. Just because it's a cocktail party doesn't mean there shouldn't be a first dance, toasts, a cake cutting or other forms of entertainment. You may have some wallflowers in your group who need conversation starters and those elements do just that. Don't let anyone get bored or the party will end early. I promise.

4. Be aware of time. Most wedding venues rent for a 5 hour reception.  Your guests will start to lose steam at the 3-4 hour mark unless there is dancing - but many cocktail party style weddings don't have dancing.  Don't tell the guests this, but plan for a 4 hour reception and make a game day decision to keep the party going if guests are still having a blast. Tell your vendors that this could be a last minute decision and assign your wedding planner or friend to make the call so you don't have to worry about a thing.

5. Communicate with your guests. Let them know it's a cocktail party rather than a sit down dinner by using the term 'cocktail reception' on your wedding invitation. This sends a signal that they may get less food and that they may want to wear more sensible shoes because of all the standing around. Help everybody by managing their expectations.

Are you planning to host a cocktail reception instead a formal dinner?

(photo by Katje Hempel)

Over the summer we agreed to provide expert wedding planning advice to same-sex couples being profiled by New York magazine.  I was given a lesbian couple, told their story and their scenario for a beach wedding next fall and asked to provide advice as if they were actual clients.  I gave them the full scoop which included some tough love, unfortunately!  Based on their wedding budget, $15,000, and their vision, I suggested they chop their guest list in half...check out the article and see what they thought of my advice.

I'm normally one to say something like "screw the rules and reinvent the wedding" and we do - every day with the gay weddings we produce.  But anyone who knows me knows my obsession with wedding ceremonies and the wedding flow, so I really do believe a great wedding should follow some simple rules because, no matter how beautiful your 20 foot bar is, it makes no difference to your guests if they are waiting in line 20 minutes for a cocktail.

My rules for planning a fabulous gay wedding:

1.  Care about the ceremony and put some thought into it.  After all, if you really think about it, gay weddings change the world and it all starts with the celebration of marriage.

2. Think about the guests' experience.  How do they know where to go, where to park, where to walk?  What is the first thing they see, hear, touch, taste, smell and experience when they enter the space?  How do they feel welcome and accommodated?

3. Hire enough bartenders and order enough food.  Cocktail hour is the busiest time of a wedding.  If you don't have enough bartenders, your guests will get annoyed.  If you are afraid that there will be a huge line at the bar, then have servers passing some drinks to guests.  Order enough food so that the guests aren't waiting for food to come out of the kitchen and the hors d'oeuvres don't run out before cocktail hour is over.  Don't skimp!

4.  Make your wedding interactive and provide conversation starters, particularly if you pass on wedding traditions.  Don't just have dinner and dancing but add enough elements so your guests aren't bored.

5.  Be Yourselves.  These rules can be interpreted and personalized any way you want - it's your wedding and your expression of your relationship and now, marriage.  It's not your mom's or sister's gay wedding.  Follow your heart and your instinct and put your own stamp on the experience.

Do you think these rules are too strict?  What rules are you following for your own wedding day?

(one of the happy couples that followed my rules - photo by Closed Circle Photography)

Three days of parties.  That's my term for what most people call "the wedding weekend."  You know, where you have a bunch of out of town guests and plan something like a rehearsal dinner on Friday night, the wedding on Saturday and brunch on Sunday.

I think we can do better than that...that's very typical.  Let's have three days of parties.  Our clients do it all the time.

Think about it.  Your wedding is probably the only time in your life all of your loved ones are in one place - and they are there to celebrate YOU.  Might as well enjoy it all.  Here's what three days of parties looks like for many of our clients:

Day 1 - Guest arrival

• Receive fun, whimsical and creative welcome basket upon hotel check in
• If you're in a city, evening cocktail party with heavy passed hors d'oeuvres and a very fun, casual vibe
• If you're somewhere more remote, a casual cookout style event with a bonfire on the beach, s'mores, etc

Day 2 - Tourist stuff and wedding

• If you're in a big city, arrange tickets to a game, tickets to a museum, tickets on some fun and cheesy tour with lunch
• If you're somewhere more remote, coordinated group activities (kayaking, games, hikes)
• If you're somewhere like Provincetown, group shopping and dining excursion, possibly a whale watch or Dune Tour
• Everyone freshens up and the couple gets ready for the wedding
• The wedding!
• After party!

Day 3 - Brunch and departures

• Most of your guests will head out on Sunday but send them off with a really sweet brunch with bloody marys and mimosas to aid in recovery - and be sure to be present at the brunch yourself to say goodbye to your guests!

How are you planning to show your guests a good time?

(Photo by Jag Studios, of a bonfire and s'mores at a private vacation rental on Cape Cod)

Most of us have been to a bunch of straight weddings and now that you're planning your own gay wedding, it seems obvious to look to those straight weddings for inspiration. After all, it's what we grew up knowing.  I've been talking to a bunch of couples lately who are struggling with what traditions to keep and what to ditch when planning their own wedding.  I'm personally in favor of reinvention...this blog is called, after all, "Weddings Redefined"!

Let's start by examining some of the traditions we've seen over the years:

...couple doesn't see each other before the ceremony, an often religious ceremony, photos during cocktail hour, a long break between the ceremony and reception, the wedding party introduction, the first dance, father-daughter dance, mother-son dance, dinner, toasts, dancing, line dances, garter toss, bouquet toss, cake cutting, yadda yadda yadda...maybe a Horah for good measure...

I've planned hundreds of gay weddings and I can tell you that we skip a bunch of these things!! SOMETIMES my couples will do a first dance and cake cutting, but that's about it! If parent dances happen, they typically happen spontaneously, rather than to a specific song. Formal photos typically happen before the ceremony.

As far as I'm concerned (and most of my clients agree), when it comes to these elements, turn them on their head! Why introduce the wedding party? It's your day and you may not even have a wedding party. Why do photos during cocktail hour when you can enjoy a cocktail with your closest friends and family?

And if you really want to be traditional, consider some Gay Wedding Traditions - yes, there are some!

What traditions are you keeping and what are you ditching?

(photo by Kat Hempel)