14 Stories

We work very hard to cultivate a curated list of wedding professionals with whom to partner.  Among other things, we expect them to deliver innovative work in a timely, professional manner, and be strong supporters of LGBT rights.  Ladyfingers Letterpress is one of our favorite companies.  This Rhode Island-based company is owned by a married lesbian couple who consistently go above and beyond for our clients.  When the boxes arrived on Saturday with invitations for two of our upcoming weddings, I was totally blown away.  They even sourced leather pouches, painted the edges and printed on it for a truly spectacular result.  

PS - the Ladies even designed our 14 Stories business cards and did our website redesign (which is kind of a secret because they try to stay away from web stuff, but we have such a good relationship with them, that they agreed). 

Check out these stunning invitations below!

If you're in the wedding industry, you may have caught the story floating around Facebook and Twitter about Anne Almasy, the wedding photographer from Atlanta who bought an ad in Weddings Unveiled magazine, only to have that ad rejected because it showed a photo of two brides. Not one bride. Not a bride and a groom. But two brides, marrying each other. 

I hate that this happened and that Anne Almasy had to have those conversations with the magazine. But I love this happened and I love that Anne Almasy had to have those conversations. Because, she, a straight women, wrote a fantastic blog post on what happened and her reaction and the comments and shares are starting a much needed dialogue in the wedding industry. 

An excerpt:

A friend of mine asked me, "Aren't there other publications who would be happy to advertise to the gay community?" And, you know, yes, I'm quite sure there are. But I chose Weddings Unveiled because I'm not trying to advertise to "the gay community." I'm advertising to couples who are getting married. This couple didn't get "gay married." They didn't have a "gay wedding." They got married. They had a wedding. They share their lives, their joys and sorrows, and all the mundane daily things that we all share with our partners. They are just people. In love. Committed to one another. 

And that blog post is getting a lot of attention and shining light on this issue. Yes, the wedding industry is evolving to be more LGBT-inclusive. But we also have a very long way to go. Weddings Unveiled brought to light one of the most common questions I'm asked during my LGBT wedding trainings for wedding professionals: how do I market to same-sex couples without alienating my straight audience? 

This is a legitimate fear that many in the wedding industry have. Clearly Weddings Unveiled is afraid of alienating their straight audience. They have a business. I get it. But the millennial generation, the majority of those planning weddings, overwhelmingly support same-sex marriage. In one study, 68% of American millennials support same-sex marriage. Still, there are examples of businesses that would rather not support these fabulous gay weddings. There's the bakery in Oregon that refused a wedding cake to a lesbian couple. There's the transportation company in Maryland that decided not to service ANY weddings rather than complying with the state requirement that they now service same-sex weddings. There's the venue in upstate New York that told a lesbian couple to go elsewhere. And so on. 

 Many other businesses suddenly get all booked up when they realize they're talking to same-sex couple. Others don't return calls and e-mails regarding gay weddings. This stuff happens all the time and I'm thrilled to see some press about it. And I'm also pleased with how Weddings Unveiled quickly and sincerely responded: The issue is very sensitive and it is also very divided. We knew that it was possible that people would be offended if we published the ad and we knew that it was possible that people would be offended if we did not. We are so sorry that we acted out of fear and uncertainty. We had never been faced with such a decision and we should have acted with our hearts.

 Because as Anne so beautifully said to Weddings Unveiled, "I hope you will see it through the eyes of history, for surely someday very soon your decision will seem archaic and absurd."

Scott and Todd are always in motion.  With one house in New York but living between Atlanta and Chicago, our time together was limited so we packed their trips to New York City full of meetings to plan their big NYC gay wedding.  They chose to get married at the Ritz-Carlton Battery Park because years ago when they first started dating, they had a memorable date at its former Rise bar.  The Ritz is a beautiful property with stunning views of the Statue of Liberty.  The ballroom is versatile and fun but we sought to transform it from a hotel ballroom into something truly special.

We started with a theme (New York City) and colors (yellow and purple, each of their moms favorite colors).  We brought in a lighting designer/AV company who projected images during dinner which made guests feel like they were staring out at city lights.  The designer also lit the dinner tables and added beautiful projections and purple uplights.  The beautiful flowers totally popped on the tables!

This New York City same-sex wedding was very special and a first for us because they had a Video Jockey!  Our AV company set up giant screens and speakers while the VJ mixed music videos live for the guests.  Throughout the night, photos of earlier in the wedding rotated in.  

Enjoy the beautiful photos by Katje Hempel.  Floral by Fleurs.  Lighting by Kayne LIVE.  Entertainment by Wendy Kidd Entertainment. Stationery by Bella Figura.  Photobooth by Fifth Avenue Digital.  Cake by Cake Alchemy.

The week of Hurricane Sandy was one of my most professionally challenging weeks.  We had worked very hard for six months on an extraordinary New York City gay wedding for two amazing men, Jason and Dimitri.  We were in the home stretch, the last week of the wedding, when we all heard that Hurricane Sandy was going to be serious business.

I'm generally a pretty optimistic person so I was confident that the hurricane wouldn't impact our wedding, set to be on the 14th and 21st floor of the Chelsea Arts Tower, in a beautiful space called Glass Houses.  But like many people, I was surprised by the magnitude of Sandy's impact.  Glass Houses was fine, except for some flooding in the basement, but what we learned on Tuesday was that the power was out.  With a wedding on Saturday we didn't know when the power was going to return.  

Jason and Dimitri had many guests from out of town and also plans for a two week honeymoon in Brazil two days after the wedding.  Rescheduling the wedding would have been very difficult so we agreed to explore some alternate venues.  I presented some office space and a few cool raw spaces as backup options.  Unfortunately one of the raw spaces was over the bridge in Long Island City and the other was cost-prohibitive.  The bridge was daunting given the traffic that week and with subways in rough shape, we were looking at one option:  a pretty ugly office space.  

The cost of that was also quite high (about $20,000) so Jason decided to ask whether his law firm's conference floor was available...it was and I orchestrated the move from Glass Houses to a Midtown Manhattan office building.

We were very fortunate that all of the fabulous wedding vendors we'd hire were still available and committed to Jason and Dimitri.  The photographer's parents lost their house and were out of town, so she was personally dealing with that, but still made it to the wedding.  The DJ had no power and no gas in his car but he made it.  The bartenders' bar was literally under water but they made it.  The floral designer's warehouse was without power and inaccessible.  And on and on...I was so impressed by the efforts of this amazing team.

And the wedding itself?  It was great!  We beautified an office space with tons of uplights and pipe and drape.  We added a beautiful white dance floor, great lounge furniture - and you'd never know we were in an office building. 

I was so impressed not only by the vendors but that most of the guests were also able to make it.  We had a few drop-outs because of travel issues or hurricane damage but overall, most guests came.

The Huffington Post also tells this story with an interview with the grooms.

What do you think?

Special thanks to the amazing team:

• Shawn Rabideau Floral
• Lisa Ross Photography
• Sonnier & Castle Catering
• Cake Alchemy
• Cocktails in Motion
• Wendy Kidd Entertainment
• PBG Event Rentals

Jen and I returned today from two days in Vermont, hosted graciously by the Stowe Mountain Lodge.  What a place!  From the moment we arrived, I told them that this is an easy referral to clients.  They completely spoiled us and the service is extraordinary. 

We met other fantastic wedding industry vendors including our new go-to for Vermont floral design, Alan and Wayne from Wildflower Designs and a new planning partner, Amy and Eric from Storied Events.  Great people.


Picture courtesy Closed Circle Photo

Of course, we toured the property's fantastic venues for weddings and are very comfortable putting our trust in them with our clients.  They even have a venue built into a cliff, the Cliff House, which requires that guests approach via gondola - no cars!  Amazing!

I was sitting with clients last week and we were talking about the flow of their gay wedding in Boston.  I have this four page questionnaire I go through a few months before the wedding with our big wedding clients.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  Are you having a first dance?
Them:  Nope
Me:  Are you having anything tossed?  Garter and bouquet are the typical things.
Them:  No
Me:  Are you dancing with your parents at all in any formal, announced way?
Them:  No
Me:  Are you cutting anything on the dessert display (this wedding has no wedding cake)?
Them:  No

All of these are fairly common answers when we're planning a gay wedding, though.  After all, those are traditional elements and many of our clients love the opportunity to be non-traditional and reinvent what weddings should look like!  And you completely have permission to do so!

The problem with those answers is that when we take out so many things, there is a lot of dead space and time.  The guests get bored and heaven forbid, the wedding ends early.  I believe it's very important to add things back in that are conversation starts and memory makers...

Here are some examples that we've experienced, have recommended or are recommending:

• photobooth (the obvious example)
• drag kings/queens 
• some dance performance (fire dancer, salsa dancers, tango dancers, burlesque etc) 
• caricature artist 
• casino 
• psychic 
• cigar bar (if the venue allows it) 
• aerial artist

The experience doesn't have to detract from the wedding or all the time spent dancing.  If it's a performance, keep it short, 1-2 songs MAX and keep it upbeat and appropriate.  

What are you doing to add some conversation starters and entertainment to your wedding?

Some of you may know that I frequently travel around the world and lead workshops on gay weddings for those in the wedding industry who are seeking to better understand the LGBT wedding market.  My goal is to provide all same-sex couples, no matter where they live, with access to wedding professionals who really want to treat them with respect.  

When I lead a full day workshop, or when professionals participate in my 3 part webinar series, they are eligible to be certified by the 14 Stories Gay Wedding Institute - and you may see this badge on their website or in their marketing materials:

This means that the professional has fully participated in the course, as well as completed all of the assigned homework.  It's not an easy process - so these professionals are truly your best advocates when planning your wedding.  Here is a list of all of the current graduates - some are wedding planners, others work at hotels and other properties, and others work elsewhere in the industry.  If we can't help you, hopefully one of these fine professionals will be able to.

As my regular readers know, my favorite part of a wedding is the ceremony because of its power and potential to change the world.

Whenever possible, I encourage LGBT couples to use a Celebrant to officiate their gay wedding ceremony.   Not everyone who is a non-denominational minister is a Celebrant.  Those who are officially Celebrants have taken intensive coursework on world cultures and traditions and been taught how to use stories to create custom ceremonies.  The curriculum is rigorous! 

Celebrants are ideal for couples who may be interfaith or non-religious but whom want a meaningful and powerful wedding ceremony that is more in-depth than what a judge or Justice of the Peace may provide. 

Our own wedding (July 3, 2009) was officiated by Celebrant Cindy Matchett of Meaningful Weddings.  Our wedding guests LOVED our ceremony which told the story of our relationship, shared some of our favorite things about each other and incorporated our cultures.  Last year she officiated our son’s non-religious baby blessing.  We absolutely adore Cindy and she feels like one of our family.

I’m honored to have been asked to give the keynote speech on April 28 at the Celebrant Institute’s Collective Wisdom Conference.  This conference is part of the graduation of the current class of Celebrants and I’m excited to share with them my perspective on the power of same-sex weddings.

If you are looking for a Celebrant, you can find one in your area by visiting www.CelebrantInstitute.org

Same-sex marriage has been legal since 2009 but Vermont’s history of LGBT rights goes back to 1993 when it became the first state to create civil unions.   Vermont is one of the least populous states in the country, meaning there are loads of wide open spaces for your country wedding.  

Where to Stay:  Stowe, Vermont is a great choice as a home-base for gay wedding planning in Vermont and you simply cannot beat the luxury of the Stowe Mountain Lodge which not only has stunning accommodations but beautiful wedding backdrops as well.  If you are looking for an even more rural experience, check out the Moose Meadow Lodge, a gay-owned inn and wedding venue.

What to Do:  Vermont is all about the outdoors!  Hiking, canoeing and kayaking, skiing and snowshoeing are just some of the possibilities.  Great farm-to-table dining can be found in restaurants throughout the state.  And don’t forget to check out the tastings at Cabot Cheese and Ben and Jerry’s!

How to Get Married:  Simply apply for a marriage license in a town in the county in which you’ll plan to marry in Vermont.  There is no waiting period, no blood tests and there are no witnesses required.  The fee is $20.

Our Picks for LGBT Photographers:  Kelly from Closed Circle Photo knows everything about Vermont and takes beautiful shots.  We also love the other Kelly, from Kelly Prizel Photography who shoots throughout New England.

Our Picks for an LGBT Florist:  Wildflower Designs in Stowe  does lovely work!

Our Picks for LGBT Officiants:  Greg Trulson (also owner of Moose Meadow Lodge) is openly LGBT.

With some major exceptions, Vermont wedding vendors are very welcoming of same-sex couples so you should have a great experience no matter who you choose. Don't forget about us at 14 Stories if you get stuck and are looking for a hand with all of your gay wedding plans in Vermont!

(photo by Jeanette LeBlanc)

I just returned from Engage!, a luxury wedding industry summit held twice a year.  This was my fourth Engage! and I always look forward to this time to re-invigorate myself and my business as well as connect with new and old friends.  I've made so many thoughtful and genuine friends at Engage! - we know how to have a good time yet also hold each other accountable for the goals we set.  Engage! is a time for substantial conversations, deepening friendships and new collaborations in what can be a very intense and competitive industry.

Kathryn and Rebecca, the founders of Engage! (and simply wonderful, kind women who have provided me with invaluable business mentorship) always find a way to top themselves and exceed our expectations.  This time, they recruited our friends Heather and Susan from Gifts for the Good Life to completely brand all of the goodies associated with the event.  Even the chopsticks at the closing party were branded with the Engage! logo.  You know they're good when they impress picky wedding industry talents.

Engage! is also a chance for me to chat with my peers from around the country to hear about their experiences working with same-sex couples (most of them don't get to very often), give advice and answer questions.  I love talking about gay weddings and it's so fun for me to hear the stories from my peers.

To get a sense of this fabulous experience, check out the highlight video from the very talented Elysium Productions below:

engage! 11 Grand Cayman // Part One from Elysium Productions on Vimeo.

engage!11 Grand Cayman // Day 2 & 3 recap film from Elysium Productions on Vimeo.