14 Stories

I've done an extensive analysis of all the websites on the internet which feature wedding directories for gay couples.  If you are planning your own wedding, I advise you to first check out:

This past summer I wrote a series of posts on how to get your parents excited about your gay wedding.  Since I am away at a conference and there are lots of newly engaged couples wondering about this very topic, I figured I would repost the articles:

Last week we discussed the first five steps of planning your fabulous gay wedding.  Here are my next five:

Those of us in the wedding industry call this time of year "engagement season."   Lots of couples get engaged around the holidays.

I don't do vendor spotlights much but I really wanted to call out Katie Martin from Elegance and Simplicity.

More often than not, and enough to call it a gay wedding tradition, guests to gay weddings are greeted with passed sparkling wine and water before the wedding ceremony.

Heterosexism - a term that applies to negative attitudes, bias, and discrimination in favor of opposite-sex sexuality and relationships. It can include the presumption that everyone is heterosexual or that opposite-sex attractions and relationships are the norm and therefore superior.
as defined by Wikipedia

I see it all the time and most of the time it happens by accident, simply without thinking of ones' readers.  I completely understand but...keep in mind that gay marriage is likely to pass in DC and NY soon and your clientele may be changing.  If you want to reach the gay wedding market, you will need to change as well.

Some recent examples:

• Twitter tweet from a respected magazine:  Are you and your hubby swapping gifts on the big day? What are you giving him?  This tweet assumes that the reader is female and marrying a man - which is often the case with heterosexist remarks.
• Another from a blast email from a very nice vendor I know (forwarded to me by a client who noticed and was put off):  "We applaud her innovation and would like to help other brides do this if they want to surprise their (brand new!) husbands." 
• And a final example for the day taken from a photographer's website (which could have been any number of a thousand photographers): "We will capture every moment from your first kiss to your first dance as husband and wife."

I'll be speaking on heterosexism and other gay wedding themes at The Special Event in New Orleans in January.

Have you seen any noteworthy examples of heterosexism?  Or do you have materials that can be updated?

This week's photo comes from a client's wedding back in 2004, one of my very first weddings.  The couple enlisted an army of friends to help them with DIY projects.  Each dinner table had a gorgeous hand-made red table runners (not shown).  The ceremony program was designed to be a fan - clear and utilitarian on that hot day.  The couple bought charger plates for each centerpiece at the Christmas Tree Shops and scattered some polished river rocks around the potted orchid plant (not shown). The favors were those cootie catchers from elementary school in a variety of great colors. 

All in all, a lovely tablescape, completely DIY.  I admire this in particular as a not-very crafty person myself. 



Photo by Casey McCormick

Many gay and lesbian couples choose to process to the front of their sacred ceremony space down not one, but two aisles.  Jen and I did this; each of our attendants alternated going down the respective aisle, then Jen and I walked parallel to each other simultaneously. 

It's fairly common for a number of reasons, the main one being that in a gay or lesbian wedding, there is not necessarily a "bride" who is expected to be the center of attention.  Many gay and lesbian couples who are marrying have been together already for years and want to walk separately and meet in the middle. 

Regardless of whether the two aisles are parallel or coming in from opposite sides of the room, this two aisle processional is a nightmare for a photographer without an assistant!  I've had a few photographers attempt to talk me out of this processional and even one trying to change it at the last minute.  While there is something to be said about getting amazing wedding photographs and you'll never hear me argue otherwise, I do feel that it's important to honor this emerging gay and lesbian wedding tradition. 

If you are considering having two aisles instead of one central aisle, I highly recommend that you invest in a photographer's assistant if you are concerned about capturing both of your moments in the spotlight!