14 Stories

Since the laws are rapidly changing (yay for Delaware, Rhode Island and Minnesota, not to mention some new countries), I'm going to resurrect some of my old how-to style blog posts.  This one is an oldie but a goodie: how to get your parents excited about your gay wedding.

My friend Fiona posted to Facebook this morning that she's been asked to give a toast on Saturday at her friend's gay wedding. She was looking for words of wisdom and inspiration.  She asked questions like "What do you think love is?" and "What would you say at a marriage toast?"

Great questions!  My only rules for toasts are:  1) don't have more than 4 people toast (2-3 is even better); 2) remind them to keep the toast under 3 minutes; and 3) ask people in advance lest there be an accidental "open mic"!

So, back to my friend Fiona - she received some good suggestions including:

• "To love and be loved right back is the most precious thing in your life"

• the Hugh Grant's toast from Four Weddings and a Funeral, in particular, I like when he speaks of his awe and wondrous disbelief at two people finding someone to love for the rest of their lives when the world seems bent against it happening.

• part of the Goodridge case that legalized equal marriage in Massachusetts. There is an incredibly beautiful part about what marriage really is about.

• "When the roaring flames of your love have burned down to embers, may you find that you've married your best friend."

I've been asked to give several toasts at friends wedding and I've always enjoyed it...my MO is to say great (but funny) things about each partners as individuals, then great (but funny) things about them as a couple, then kind and sweet well wishes.  And keep it under 3 minutes!

What would you say if asked to give a speech at a friend's same-sex wedding?

I recently shared my Top 10 Tips for a Great Gay Wedding with Urbanette magazine.  Check it out - though I'm pretty sure I never said "As anyone whose been to one can attest to, gay weddings are simply more fun."  I may have thought that, but I definitely didn't say it!

Not long ago, I blogged that gay weddings should never be boring.  Those grooms I was referring to in that post came back to me a few weeks later and announced that they had an idea for wedding entertainment.

Turns out that one of their guests was Yuri Lane, a world-renowned beat-box artist and husband of their friend, Rachel, the officiant.  Yuri provided about 5 minutes of entertainment in the form of a beat-box toast to the grooms referencing their jobs, their dogs, the wedding location (Provincetown) and all sorts of inspired elements.  

Yuri was incredible, deeply memorable, hilarious and brilliant.  I'm sure the wedding guests are still talking about this very unique form of entertainment. All it takes is 5 minutes to get everyone together, build a memory, then fill the dance floor back up for the rest of the night.  It's great advice for not just a gay wedding, but any wedding!

Here he is, doing his thing:

I was sitting with clients last week and we were talking about the flow of their gay wedding in Boston.  I have this four page questionnaire I go through a few months before the wedding with our big wedding clients.  The conversation went something like this:

All of these are fairly common answers when we're planning a gay wedding, though.  After all, those are traditional elements and many of our clients love the opportunity to be non-traditional and reinvent what weddings should look like!  And you completely have permission to do so!

The problem with those answers is that when we take out so many things, there is a lot of dead space and time.  The guests get bored and heaven forbid, the wedding ends early.  I believe it's very important to add things back in that are conversation starts and memory makers...

Here are some examples that we've experienced, have recommended or are recommending:

• photobooth (the obvious example)
• drag kings/queens 
• some dance performance (fire dancer, salsa dancers, tango dancers, burlesque etc) 
• caricature artist 
• casino 
• psychic 
• cigar bar (if the venue allows it) 
• aerial artist

The experience doesn't have to detract from the wedding or all the time spent dancing.  If it's a performance, keep it short, 1-2 songs MAX and keep it upbeat and appropriate.  

What are you doing to add some conversation starters and entertainment to your wedding?

• plan and host the rehearsal dinner/welcome reception
• plan and host a wedding shower
• organize and assemble welcome bags for out of state guests (note: parents like being hosts so these three are very effective)
• create a signature cocktail recipe
• procure and assemble wedding favors (I once had a dad make homemade wine with custom labels - each couple received a bottle on their way out)
• address and mail save the date cards and wedding invitations
• write names on escort cards
• organize guest transportation

Fire Island, New York is a pretty special place and a truly beautiful destination for a wedding.  The Pines is predominantly a gay destination while Cherry Grove next door attracts the lesbians.  

Most people who find this website are engaged and planning a gay wedding in New York, Boston or somewhere else – and most people really don’t know how to begin! Here’s the cheat sheet for you, a quick list of what to do, and in what order. 

If you really want to keep things easy, download our free app,Gay Wedding Confidential or buy our book of the same name! Both have all these tools in more detail.

Massachusetts was the first state in the U.S. to legalize gay marriage so it’s only natural that Boston remains a top gay wedding tourist destination. And for good reason…it’s a small but cosmopolitan city with great dining and shopping and some beautiful venues (including some on the ocean or harbor) for your gay wedding.  Our business was founded in Boston, we still work there regularly and it has a very special place in our heart.

Where to Stay:  Our favorite hotels are Kimpton properties and the one in Boston with the best location, right on Boston Common, is Nine Zero.  We also love XV Beacon on Beacon Hill and the Seaport Hotel down on the waterfront.

What to Do:  Leave your car behind in Boston and don't rent one either.  It's a great city for walking with beautiful brownstones like the ones above.  Walk through the oldest public botanical garden in the country, the beautiful Boston Public Garden, en route to shopping on Newbury Street.   If you want to avoid the tourists, walk down Tremont Street in the South End and take your pick of great restaurants and shops frequented by locals (and lots of gays!)  Also, enjoy the waterfront!  Take a tour of the Boston Harbor Islands, or spend a few hours out there on Spectacle or Georges Island.  

How to Get Married:  It’s tricky in Massachusetts since there is a three day waiting period.  For example, if you apply for a marriage license at City Hall on a Tuesday, you can’t pick it up and get married until Friday.  You can get a waiver of the three day wait by going to court.  Marriage license fees vary by city or town.  There are no blood tests or witnesses required.  The marriage license is valid for 60 days.  14 Stories provides  a service to get this waiting period waived quickly and easily.

Our Picks for LGBT Photographers:  Kelly from Closed Circle Photo and Kristin Korpos are great, fun to work with and do a beautiful job.  Kelly took the photo above.

Our Picks for an LGBT Florist:  Daniel and Jeb from New Leaf Flores in Jamaica Plain are awesome!

Our Picks for an LGBT Officiant:  Denise Simmons is an openly gay Justice of the Peace who also was the first out African-American lesbian Mayor of a U.S. city.  She sits on the City Council of Cambridge, MA.

With some major exceptions, Boston wedding vendors are very welcoming of same-sex couples so you should have a great experience no matter who you choose. Don't forget about us at 14 Stories if you get stuck and need us to take great care of you!