Weddings Redefined

It's engagement season - and if you are planning your gay wedding in the New York City area and looking for some expert advice, you are in luck!  I'm participating in a couple of panel discussions soon as well as leading a solo workshop. All of these are designed to empower you to plan yourself a great gay wedding!

Here are the details:

Thursday, February 9, 6:30pm (solo presentation)

• Sponsored by MENY - click here to register
• LGBT Center, Manhattan

Sunday, February 12, 11am (panel discussion)

• WilliamsBrides event (excuse the non-inclusive name - it will be an inclusive event)
• Williamsburg, Brooklyn 

Saturday, March 17, time TBD (panel discussion)

• The Original LGBT Expo
• Javits Center, Manhattan

Please stop by and say hi at any of these events!  I would love to chat with you there and answer any planning questions you may have!

We are thrilled to announce that 14 Stories has been certified by the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce as an LGBT-owned enterprise.  We are only one of two event planning companies in the entire United States to receive the certification.  

It's kind of a rigorous process to be certified - I even had to fax a copy of my marriage license!  I guess that's one way they prove that it's LGBT-owned.  There was also an interview, a review of tax records and so forth...needless to say, we're pretty excited to have made the cut!

Some of you may know that I frequently travel around the world and lead workshops on gay weddings for those in the wedding industry who are seeking to better understand the LGBT wedding market.  My goal is to provide all same-sex couples, no matter where they live, with access to wedding professionals who really want to treat them with respect.  

When I lead a full day workshop, or when professionals participate in my 3 part webinar series, they are eligible to be certified by the 14 Stories Gay Wedding Institute - and you may see this badge on their website or in their marketing materials:

This means that the professional has fully participated in the course, as well as completed all of the assigned homework.  It's not an easy process - so these professionals are truly your best advocates when planning your wedding.  Here is a list of all of the current graduates - some are wedding planners, others work at hotels and other properties, and others work elsewhere in the industry.  If we can't help you, hopefully one of these fine professionals will be able to.

Those who follow me on Twitter know that my wife Jen and I just completed the second parent adoption process for our son, Patrick.  He was born on Oct. 31, 2010.

Let me explain a little bit about what this means.

Jen and I were legally married in Massachusetts.  Our marriage is only valid in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Iowa and D.C. (the other states where same-sex marriage is legal), and a couple of other random states.  According to the U.S. federal government and all those other states, we are not legally married.  According to most countries in the world, we are not legally married.

Patrick was born in Boston and Jen carried and delivered the baby.  She was the "bio-parent" though I was right there when he was born and my name is on his birth certificate.  However, because our marriage is not recognized most places in the world, neither are my rights to be his parent.  That's why we had to go through this process called "second parent adoption" - in which I basically adopt my own son.  This process took 10 months waiting for a court date and $2000 in legal fees before we saw a judge for 2 minutes.  Now it's over and we're happy!

If a same-sex couple doesn't do second parent adoption this can get really ugly in the following scenarios (among others):

• If there's a divorce or break-up, the non-bio parent may have no rights no visitation or custody
• If the bio-parent died, the non-bio parent may have no rights to his or her child (who would probably be placed with the bio-parent's parents)
• If the bio-parent and the baby are in an accident, the non-bio parent may have no access to them in the hospital.

and joy to the world.

This was a fantastic and successful year for 14 Stories and for marriage equality – thank you for all of your support and belief in what we do!  We absolutely adore our clients and believe more than ever in the power of their stories to change the world.  So without further ado, here are 14 highlights from 2011, in no particular order:

1.  We worked with 34 couples from 21 different states, producing beautiful weddings as small as zero guests to as many as 250.  Congratulations to you all!  We are grateful for your business and thrilled to have you as part of our 14 Stories family.

2.  I traveled around the world to train wedding professionals all about gay weddings.  I spoke to enthusiastic groups in Baltimore, Cancun, Phoenix, Vermont and Chicago!   This is part of our mission to promote marriage equality and reduce homophobia in the wedding industry.

3.  Along with that, this spring we launched the world’s first Gay Wedding Institute certificate course for those in the wedding industry looking to be more inclusive of same-sex couples and sensitive to their wedding planning needs.  This intensive course (with homework!) was launched as a webinar and held 3 times in 2011 with great feedback and participants from the U.S., Canada and Mexico.

4.  We launched the country's first app for gay wedding planning.  Our Gay Wedding Confidential app is available for a free download from iTunes and Android (but works better on iTunes!)

5.  Marriage equality came to my home state of New York on June 24 and we were there, on Pride, that weekend to celebrate!  Being a part of Pride the weekend of marriage equality was pretty incredible. 

6.  Civil unions became legal in Illinois, Rhode Island and as of next week, in Delaware and Hawaii.  Same-sex couples in those states can now have statewide protections for their families.

7.  The press we received in 2011 was pretty amazing!  We were featured on the Today show, on BBC, on NY1, NPR (twice) and in countless print publications including this amazing article on the front page of the L.A. Times.

8.  We signed a contract with a prolific and prestigious production company to develop and produce a gay wedding planning reality TV show….let us know if you want to be on TV!

9.  We hired another wedding planner!  Andrew is the first person on our team to plan weddings (besides me) and is fabulous, charming and talented.  You can read more about Andrew on our About Us page.

10.  I was invited to be a blogger for the prestigious Huffington Post and the feedback on my articles has been great.  If you’ve missed them, check them out here!

11.  I went to the Engage! wedding industry summit twice (once in San Diego and the other in the Cayman Islands) and connected with my peers from the wedding industry from around the world. 

12.  We opened our New York office in July and moved our family to New York in September.  New Yorkers have welcomed us with open arms and things are going very well here!

13.  One of our weddings appeared in the nationally distributed Destination Weddings magazine.  Check out Deb and Michelle's story here!

14.  Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed.  How amazing to see this discriminatory law go away and have our LGBT brothers and sisters be able to serve openly (and get married in uniform)!  What a huge moment in our civil rights history.

I hope that the new year brings you and your family great happiness and success - and cheers to the hope of more marriage equality!  

I wrote this post that appeared in the Huffington Post today.  It tells you a little more about my own story.  I hope you enjoy it and hope you have a fantastic holiday season and amazing new year.  

Why I Love the Holidays With My In-Laws

In my business, the business of gay weddings, I meet lots of couples who don’t have their parents as guests at their wedding, lots of couples who have created a “chosen family” because their real family doesn’t accept them, lots of couples who aren’t invited to Christmas dinner.

My parents passed away a long time ago, before I ever came out to my very religious dad and before my mom ever met any of my girlfriends. She wasn’t so wild about the idea of me being gay anyway, but she eventually said the magic words every gay kid wants to hear: “I love you no matter what.”  

After my parents died, there was this long period of time – most of my twenties, really - in which Christmas was especially depressing.  My siblings are all much older than me and prior to meeting Jen (who I married), I felt particularly orphaned on Christmas.  My siblings and I didn’t have parents to force us together, and sometimes we just weren’t.  

I’m so thrilled to say that now I love Christmas.  My in-laws are truly awesome and I couldn’t be more grateful for their support of our little family.

Holidays with the Coveneys are really fun.  Even us adults get to act like kids.  We all come down the stairs on Christmas morning where my mother-in-law has made gooey “monkey bread” for us all to pass around while we’re opening presents.  We each have a stocking full of stuff – and every year, we each get Eddie Bauer shoe-shine and new socks.  We take turns, one at a time, as we go through the stockings and all the gifts, oohing and aahing and laughing and just enjoying normal togetherness. 

After we’re all unwrapped, usually around 11 or 12, we eat a bigger breakfast, then lounge around and chill out.  Some people watch “Elf”…again.  My brother-in-law and father-in-law play Cribbage.  Sometimes we do tastings – one year we did a whiskey tasting, going through everything from Canadian whiskey to Rye to Irish whiskey and scotch (the single malt scotch won, of course…)   Last year we did a beer tasting (champ:  the Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA).  

Then later on, we have dinner and, if we’re not too tired, play a board game like Cranium or Apples to Apples.  It’s simply great and simply simple.

Now that I have a kid (my son Patrick is 14 months), I’m even more aware of how fortunate we are to have this togetherness, and be able to share traditions with our son – and create traditions of our own.

Lots of couples get engaged this time of year.  Same-sex couples, too.  It’s the season for it.  And I am hoping that those that do can call their parents and say “Hey mom, hey dad – we’re getting married!” and receive the same kind of enthusiasm that Jen, Patrick and I get from the Coveneys.  It’s the best gift any same-sex couple could receive – being treated equally, like one of the family, during the holidays, when they announce their engagement, on their wedding day, and every day thereafter.  

As you may know, we make a donation to charity on the first anniversary of all of our full service wedding clients.  We see this as very integral to our mission to promote marriage equality.  In 2011, we are proud to have donated to the following wonderful nonprofit organizations:

• GLAD
• Freedom to Marry
• Lambda Legal
• The Point Foundation
• HRC

I was speaking to a groom recently who was confused by our statement on our services page that says that we no longer offer "Day of Coordination."  He thought we planned the wedding but didn't actually show up to run it.  

No way.  We're there all the way through for our clients.

But I figured I should probably do some education on Day of Coordination.  It's a wedding industry term so I apologize if the jargon is confusing.  

Most wedding planners offer a service called Day of Coordination or something similar.  In reality, it's more like "Month of Coordination."  Basically the engaged couple plans the wedding themselves and a Day of Coordinator steps in about a month out to visit the venue and understand the flow and design of the wedding.  He or she contacts the wedding vendors to introduce herself and confirm everything.  He or she creates a schedule and then actually sets up and runs the rehearsal and the wedding day.  

14 Stories doesn't actually offer this service.  We used to but stopped a few years back.  I'm a bit too much of a control freak to let someone else plan the weddings we're involved with. 

We do, however, recommend great professionals who do offer Day of Coordination, and in fact, specialize in it...if this is the service you seek, check out our outstanding colleagues below:

• Chicago:  Elevage Events
• Boston:  Esquire Events and Allure Consulting
• New York:  Just About Married
• San Francisco Bay Area:  Allure Consulting

I have many things to be thankful for, and I try really hard to be mindful of that every day, although some days it's easier than others.  I am so grateful for a beautiful, supportive wife, adorable and fun son, and a thriving business in which I get to do much more than plan weddings, but also be an advocate for the LGBT community.  

Our son turned one on Halloween (I can hardly believe it - it seems like he was born yesterday) and is such a joy.  He and Jen make every day beautiful.

We just returned from a family vacation in the Cayman Islands.  We traveled with our dear friends, Brian and Eric, a married gay couple who live in San Diego.  They are in the process of adopting their own child and we know that our future joint family vacations will be full of even more love, joy and pure fun that share together.

For all of these blessings, I am grateful this Thanksgiving and every day.