Weddings Redefined

Over the summer we agreed to provide expert wedding planning advice to same-sex couples being profiled by New York magazine.  I was given a lesbian couple, told their story and their scenario for a beach wedding next fall and asked to provide advice as if they were actual clients.  I gave them the full scoop which included some tough love, unfortunately!  Based on their wedding budget, $15,000, and their vision, I suggested they chop their guest list in half...check out the article and see what they thought of my advice.

If you're in New York City on October 20, please join me at the Learning Annex for my Weddings Redefined workshop on gay wedding planning!

In this class, I'll discuss the nuts and bolts of wedding planning, reinforcing the concept that your wedding is uniquely yours, with your vision, your personality and your own traditions. 

You’ll learn: 

• Money saving tips 
• Timeline for top priorities – venue, officiant, save the dates & money saving tips 
• Budget 
• How to personalize your wedding 
• Gay Wedding Traditions 
• And more! 

This highly interactive workshop and Q&A with the experts will leave you with the confidence and tools to plan your own same-sex wedding.

You can sign up for the workshop right here!

The couple just sued the inn, because they learned that Vermont has an anti-discrimination law making it illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. 21 U.S. states have such a law and 29 do not.  That means that in states such as Georgia, Florida and Texas, it's perfectly legal for a business to discriminate against you of sexual orientation and/or gender identity.  To find out the deal in your state, click here or call the Lambda Legal help desk.

Why should you care? Well, you may be gay wedding planning in New York or elsewhere and it's important to know your rights.  A New York town clerk already resigned rather than issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.  The law in New York barely passed.  And while New York City is very progressive and great for gay wedding planning, it's a BIG state and you should be careful when you're planning your gay wedding. 

Come out of the closet right away when calling vendors - even the ones you find through an online gay wedding directory or through google ads. You never know who will answer the phone.  Only hire people who give you a good vibe, who you feel like will have your back.  There's no reason that you should be treated any differently than straight couples.  

Have you encountered any issues when calling vendors during your wedding planning?

At 14 Stories, we're not just in the business of wedding planning - but we like to provide our clients with resources to build and protect their family.  Last year we did a blog series about estate planning, written by our former client Claire DeMarco, who is an estate planning attorney in Boston.  Claire did all of the paperwork to protect the Coveney-Smith family.

Now that same-sex marriage is legal in New York, I think it's time to revisit this important topic.  Ron Meyers will be the attorney to whom we refer our New York gay wedding clients.  Ron has been helping LGBT couples protect their families for more than 10 years.

Here are the top five ways to protect your LGBT family:

1.  Health Care Proxies - so you can visit your spouse or partner in the hospital when you are in a state where same-sex marriage is not recognized.

2.  Durable Power of Attorney - so you can make decisions on behalf of your partner or spouse beyond state lines when you are in a state where same-sex marriage is not recognized.

3. Wills - to define your family and protect your assets should one of you pass

4.  Trusts - used as an alternative to a will, so your estate can be handled privately, rather than in court, should one of you pass and have family who does not support your same-sex marriage or relationship.

5. Second parent adoption - if you have a child, so both parents have legal guardianship to the child or children if you are in a state where same-sex marriage is not recognized.  

Both Claire and Ron can help with all of these five ways to protect your family and I enthusiastically encourage you to give them a call!

Photo by Gretje Ferguson

Now that same-sex marriage has been legalized in New York state (YAY!), you're probably wondering how to get married.  Here are some Frequently Asked Questions:

When does gay marriage go into effect in New York?
The law goes into effect on July 24 but that date is a Sunday.  The New York City marriage bureau will be open on Sunday to accept applications and judges will be on hand to waive the 24 hour waiting period to marry, and also to officiate ceremonies on that same day, July 24.  Binghamton and Syracuse city halls will also be open on the 24th.  It is unclear whether those cities will have judges on hand to waive the 24 hour wait and perform ceremonies.  

To the best of our knowledge, only New York City is making it possible for couples to legally marry on July 24. Couples looking to marry in other parts of the state can begin having marriage ceremonies on July 26, 2011.  

Do I have to live in New York to get married there?
No, anyone can apply for a marriage license in New York State.  There is no residency requirement.

Where can I apply for a marriage license?
You can apply at any city or town clerk's office in the state of New York.  Both partners must be present.  Couples can apply online through the City of New York as early as July 5.  Couples who apply in person can apply beginning Monday, July 25.

Is a blood test required?
No.

Is there a waiting period to get the marriage license?
There is not a waiting period to get the license - you receive it right away.  

How soon after applying for a license can I get legally married?
24 hours or more.

Are there witnesses required in order to get legally married?
One witness 18 or older is required.

How much is the marriage license application fee?
Outside of New York City, the fee is $40.  In NYC, the fee is $35.

How long is the marriage license valid for?
60 days

Can I apply online for a marriage license?
Yes, you can, in New York City, but both partners must still go in person to pick up the marriage license.

What paperwork is required when I apply for my marriage license?
Two things: Either a birth certificate OR a baptismal record OR a naturalization record OR a Census record AND a driver's license OR a passport OR a work ID with photo OR an immigration record. 

Who can officiate the marriage ceremony?
The mayor of a city or village; the former mayor, city clerk, or deputy city clerk of a city with 1 million+ residents; a marriage officer appointed by the town or village board; a justice or judge; a village, town or county justice; a member of the clergy authorized to perform marriage ceremonies.


If I don't live in New York, will my marriage be recognized by my home state?
It depends on where you live, but in most cases, probably not.  It will be recognized in Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Iowa, California, New Mexico, Maryland and D.C.

Is my New York gay marriage recognized by the U.S. federal government?
Unfortunately, no it is not.

If I get legally married in New York, will I still need special legal paperwork to protect my family?
Yes, if you plan to travel with your partner beyond New York state, it will be necessary for you to hire an attorney to draw up paperwork to protect your family in case something happens in a state where your marriage is not recognized.  You will need a Health Care Proxy, a Durable Power of Attorney and a will or trust.

How do I change my name?
You'll be asked your new last name on the marriage application.  Once you receive your official copy of your marriage license, you can use that document to change your name on social security card, driver's license etc, if you live in the state of New York.  If you live out of state, and in a state where your marriage is not legally recognized, it's much harder and will, in most cases, require a judge's order.

For the past three years, 14 Stories has offered elopement packages for couples looking to marry in Massachusetts.  It's only natural that we now introduce our elopement package for couples looking to marry in New York City.  Introducing Destiny New York, our luxury elopement experience for couples from other states who want to legally marry in New York.

Destiny New York provides all couples need for a beautiful, elegant wedding ceremony including:

• Instructions for applying for a marriage license and instructions on when, where and how to pick it up. 
• A luxury wedding concierge to coordinate your wedding experience 
• A town car to drive the engaged couple around Manhattan during your wedding experience 
• Access to a private, members-only club for a beautiful indoor wedding ceremony and photographs 
• Champagne for you and your guests (up to 20) at the club 
• Officiant to officiate your wedding ceremony in the club 
•  Personal flowers - two boutonnieres or two bouquets, or one of each 
• Petite wedding cake that serves up to 20 
• Up to two hours of professional, photojournalistic-style photography coverage (ceremony and portraits), plus one disc of high resolution images 
• Dinner reservations at a nearby fine dining restaurant of your choice the evening of your wedding, or dinner arranged inside the club's private dining room (excluding food and beverage expenses) 
• Unlimited referrals to other arrangements not limited to but including: spa reservations; videography; hotels and more

Now that same-sex marriage is legal in New York, I'm sure that many of you have started your planning! Here are some tips for planning an incredible wedding in New York!

1. "I now pronounce you LEGALLY married!" That's a very powerful statement and it'll be made in one more state. Your guests will be in tears of joy for you as you are legally married. Consider hiring a Celebrant to write a personal and meaningful wedding ceremony for you.

2. Gay wedding traditions are alive and well. Think about incorporating one or more into your wedding, such as offering champagne to the guests before the wedding ceremony starts.

3. New York is so much more than New York City. You can also have a barn wedding in the Hudson Valley, a vineyard wedding on Long Island, or even a wedding in Niagra Falls. The choices are endless!

4. New York City weddings cost more than most places in the country. If you are planning a wedding in New York City and are budget-conscious, keep an eye on that guest list as an area for savings.

5. Remember that your wedding is your own. It's not your mom's, or your sister's, or your Aunt Suzie's. You can have any kind of wedding you want. Ignore any pressure you may get to follow tradition and feel free to have fun with the plans and make them extra reflective of who you are as a couple

And of course, we can help!

Are you planning a same-sex wedding in New York?

(photo by Kat Hempel)

Of course we are!

New York is my home state and I cannot wait to be a part of legal, equal marriages at home.  How thrilling! 

Our New York office will open immediately. We have been quietly working on this for months in anticipation and have identified a detailed list of amazing wedding venues and many incredibly talented businesses (many of which are gay-owned), who have specific experience with same-sex weddings.   For years, we've been planning weddings with New Yorkers who wanted to make it legal somewhere else.  Now we get to work with New Yorkers in their home state!

We cannot wait to bring the 14 Stories experience to New Yorkers and couples everywhere who want a sophisticated New York wedding in a trustworthy, safe setting.

Photo by Infinity Portrait Design

We are growing!  New York is my home state and it's long been my goal to open a 14 Stories office in that state.  We have posted a job description for a New York wedding sales consultant.  It's part time, flexible hours, commission-based.  If you are interested in getting into the wedding industry and have sales experience, this could be the right job for you!

Please share widely with anyone you think would be a good candidate for this exciting position!

Wedding Sales Consultant job description

I feel terrible for the 50,000 same-sex couples in New York who will not be able to legally marry because the NY Senate defeated the gay marriage bill yesterday by a vote of 38-24.