Weddings Redefined

Most gay weddings are smaller than straight weddings.  The average wedding size of 14 Stories clients is somewhere around 75 guests - but many gay weddings fall below 50 guests.

For small gay weddings, a bed and breakfast or an inn can be a great place for a wedding.  We've worked in the Taylor House in Jamaica Plain several times and have a wedding booked at the Kemble Inn in Lenox later this year.  Like many inns, these have nice sized dining room and foyer spaces and provide options for a beautiful ceremony backdrop and magnificent outdoor gardens.

Some things you should consider when having a gay wedding at a B&B or inn:

• the best style reception is a cocktail reception or food stations
• you'll have to buy out all of the guest rooms - so be prepared to host some guests overnight
• you'll have to bring in lots of rentals - typically tables, chairs, china, flatware, stemware, etc
• you'll need to bring in your own caterer and bartender

Still, having your gay wedding at B&B or inn can be a very affordable and elegant option.


Taylor House


Kemble Inn

Would you consider an Inn or B&B for your wedding venue?

In theory, there are some nice advantages to planning a wedding at your home or another private residence. The home could have a special meaning to you. You could save on a venue rental fee. You are not limited by an eight hour rental period and can set up and break down at your leisure. The party could go all night if you want.

But don’t be blinded by the advantages and think through these potential obstacles before making your final decision:

• How is your septic system? Can it handle 50 or more guests? Do you have 2 or more restrooms that guests can use? Will you have to rent portapotties or a luxury potatpotty trailer? 
• How is your parking situation? Is there enough parking for all of the vendors in the driveway. What about the guests? Will you have to hire a valet or rent a lot and provide shuttle service? 
• Is the home big enough for everyone to be inside for dinner and dancing? Or will you require a tent? Are you prepared to deal with the damage that tents (and the tent delivery truck) cause to the lawn? 
• Is there a good spot on the property for a wedding ceremony? What if it rains? 
• Are there any noise ordinances in the city or town where the wedding would be held? Are there nosey neighbors or neighbors who would call the cops to complain about noise? 
• Is there a large kitchen onsite? The caterer will have a lot of food to warm up or prepare and will need plenty of counter space and ovens. If you can’t offer that, the caterer may have to set up a catering tent and/or rent convection ovens. 
• How many amps of electricity does the home have? Are there some circuits with available power? If you are bringing in a tent, the lighting and heating of the tent requires significant power. If you are bringing in a DJ or band, they require significant power. So does a nice portapotty. Find out if you have enough power to provide or whether you will need to rent a generator. 
• Is the home in an area known to have poor drainage in the event or rain? Is it especially buggy in the summer and if so, can the property be sprayed? 

In general, unless it’s a very well equipped property or a wedding smaller than 50 guests, I advise against holding a wedding in someone’s home or on their property. The logistics can get very complicated and I would definitely suggest that you hire a wedding planner to make sure that all of these details are covered.

Please use a caterer for your wedding in a private residence. Don’t rely on your friends, family or let alone, yourself to prepare food. If you need to, you can prepare the food in advance and rent wait staff and bartenders to serve it – but please outsource at least some of this for your own sanity!

Are you planning to get married in a private home?

I had a call from someone yesterday looking for help with her wedding at the Arnold Arboretum in Jamaica Plain.  Jamaica Plain is a neighborhood in Boston and the Arboretum is a beautiful park with lots of scenic places to marry.

Unfortunately, in the Arnold Arboretum and other Boston and Cambridge-area parks, you can't have a ceremony in the park with any structures.  This means:  no tent, no tables, no chairs...well, maybe one or two chairs.  But you get the idea - your guests have to stand and you'll have to have a rain plan and be able to communicate it to your guests very effectively at the last minute.  

I personally love these types of wedding ceremonies which have a more casual, informal, organic feel - but keep in mind the needs of your guest list if this is what you have in mind.  85 year old grandmas often have a hard time standing for an outdoor wedding ceremony.

I've done extensive research and nearly all of the City of Boston's parks have no covering.  This means that, as much as the idea of a casual wedding in the Boston Public Garden sounds divine, you may get wet.

My advice:  if you are having a wedding with more than 20 guests, don't plan for the ceremony in a public park in the Boston area.  There are some really nice venues which have their own outdoor ceremony space where you can have chairs and where you can retreat in the event of rain.  But if you decide on a park, you'll need a permit.  The fee for Boston parks for Boston residents is $50 and $100 for non residents.

Are you planning to get married in a park?

Hopefully, if you're an organized planner, you won't have too much to do the week of your wedding.  These are typically the last minute things on my list:

• Write names on escort cards
• Finish welcome bags/baskets for out of town guests
• Print ceremony programs (though many of my clients don't use ceremony programs)
• Write out final payments for vendors
• Take out cash for vendor tips
• Wear your shoes around the house
• Pack for wedding night and for honeymoon
• Rehearse your ceremony

What's missing?

How about some quality couple time before the gay wedding?  How nice is it to not run around like a chicken with your head cut off and have some down time to enjoy your last few days as single people...this might mean getting a couples massage, manicures, pedicures, facials (yes, even for the grooms), or something as simple as a date night.  While there are no traditions around the week of a gay wedding, it's so nice to not stress through it all...

What projects will be left to do the week of your wedding?  Are you planning to take some time to relax together before the big day?

Jen and my first anniversary is in July and the company just turned six!  Jen and I are very good at always finding something to celebrate.  This time, we're giving away a free gay wedding (valued at $1850) for one lucky couple!


All of the contest details are over here!  Check it out and enter to win!

Good luck - we can't wait to hear your stories!

Bernadette

For the past six years, I've been tracking gay weddings, noting trends and keeping data.  In my independent analysis of nearly 200 lesbian couples, this is what they wore at their gay wedding: 

• 46% of lesbian couples wore one dress and one pants suit
• 42% of lesbian couples each wore a wedding gown (two gowns)
• 12% of lesbian couples each wore a pants suit (two suits or tuxes)

A funny thing has happened in the past six years.  Same-sex couples meet, fall in love, get engaged and then get married.  And at least here in most of New England and now DC and Iowa, getting married and planning for a gay wedding has become the "normal" next step in a relationship.  It's legal and a legitimate, common option for couples.

Two of our dear friends recently got engaged after a 18 months of dating and will probably be marrying sometime in the next year or so.  And to us, and to our other friends, this is just what happens now.  Marriage is legal and gay weddings are happening all over the place.  Most of these weddings have no overt political agenda - they're just about the love of two people. 

But the funny thing that happens is that guests at these gay weddings see the love story of the normal, happy couple play out, return to their neighborhood and tell their friends and co-workers the story of last weekend's wonderful gay wedding, leading to a ripple effect of positive momentum.  The stories get told and these are the stories that change the world.

What's my favorite part of a gay wedding?  All the tears of joy during the wedding ceremony, culminating in the phrase "I now pronounce you legally married."

What's your favorite part of a gay wedding?

As I've mentioned before, there's definitely a trick to getting your parents exciting about your gay wedding plans.  The last tip in my series suggests giving your parents projects.  Here are some excellent projects to distract your parents that give them something to control that will keep them out of your hair:

• plan and host the rehearsal dinner/welcome reception
• plan and host a wedding shower
• organize and assemble welcome bags for out of state guests (note: parents like being hosts so these three are very effective)
• create a signature cocktail recipe
• procure and assemble wedding favors (I once had a dad make homemade wine with custom labels - each couple received a bottle on their way out)
• address and mail save the date cards and wedding invitations
• write names on escort cards
• organize guest transportation

When you're a gay wedding and looking into photographers, you may see engagement shoots offered as part of the photographer's services.  I urge you to book an engagement shoot.  Why?

• This will give you some two one one time to get comfy with the photographer and his or her style and personality.  This level of comfort will make your wedding day photos even more spectacular.
• Your engagement photo(s) can be used on your save the date card or wedding website.  It gives your wedding a bit of personality.
• These photos can be used for a wedding announcement submitted to a local paper or LGBT magazine.  Many papers now have a "Celebrations" section, not just weddings - and the New York Times is a prime example.  Our wedding was featured in the New York Times.  That paper is very good about being inclusive - but they need your submissions!  Wedding announcements go a long way towards increasing LGBT visibility.  Lots of moms read the Wedding section!

Videographers get a bum rap.  There's this terrible stereotype of the giant spotlight on the dancefloor in the face of your guests and the cheesy, glossy edited montage video.