Weddings Redefined

Last year, I had a couple come in from Pennsylvania to get gay married. I picked them up at their hotel in the morning and brought them to Cambridge City Hall to apply for their license. After that, we all went to apply for "marriage without delay" at the courthouse, and when that was granted, we returned to City Hall to pick up their license.

All the while, I heard great stories about their families, their jobs and the adorable story of how they met...

But, the best part of the day (I think we'd all agree) was when we were in Cambridge City Hall, license in hand, with the Honorable Denise Simmons (Justice of the Peace and Mayor of the City of Cambridge). She officiated a beautiful, simple ceremony in her office and at the conclusion of the ceremony, presented my clients a felt bag. Inside the bag was a key to the City of Cambridge.

Imagine the reaction of these two guys! They were elated! They were two African-American men in their 40s and Ms. Simmons is the only openly-lesbian African-American mayor of a city in the US, handing them a key to her city. I didn't know it was coming - but what a pleasant surprise for all of us! I've worked with Ms. Simmons a number of other times and she always does a wonderful job but that was particularly special.

Yet another reason I often take my clients to Cambridge. The main reason is that Cambridge was the first city in the US to legally issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, beginning at 12 midnight on May 17, 2004.

I feel by taking my clients to Cambridge, not only am I supporting that decision but I'm treating them to a little piece of GLBT history.

Yesterday was the gay wedding in Boston of a couple I've been working with for a few months now. After years of marriage to men, they met through work and one night fifteen years ago, on the 4th of some month, they connected and have been together since. They celebrate their anniversary the 4th of every month, and yesterday on February 4 they married in front of 10 friends and family members, including the three children they raised together who are now in their late teens/early 20s.

These women live in the South and envisioned an upscale, elegant, classic New England wedding and contacted me to make this happen. They wanted the ceremony and reception in the same building and preferred this to be a hotel for guest convenience in early February. I set to the task of identifying venues that fit the bill, although I had one in mind from the get-go and that's where the wedding was - the Lenox Hotel. It's lovely and I visited it on their behalf and found it to be absolutely perfect for them. They agreed and off we went.

This couple wanted a ceremony officiated by an Episcopal priest but Episcopal priests are not legally allowed to perform same-sex marriages. Instead, I arranged a ceremony performed by my new favorite local Justice of the Peace and blessed by an Episcopal priest. Both were great and it was a beautiful ceremony, with Communion.

I met this couple for the first time in January when they were here for a brief visit to apply for their marriage license, tour the hotel, select wines and meet the florist and priest. We had a great lunch in the hotel pub and got to know each other as friends. I love that.

Yesterday's wedding was exactly what they were looking for. The formal ceremony was in a second floor function room with a table of family photos, tons of candlelight and divine flowers from my favorite florist. The flowers and floating flower/candle pillars were stunning. After the ceremony and group photos (taken by one of my favorite photographers who is shooting my own wedding), I brought everyone to the restaurant for cocktail hour and dinner at Azure. The room was stunning.

My favorite part? The sweet toast by the oldest son, Charlie. What great kids they raised, and his toast was a testament to their relationship and the foundation that they provided their children. It brought tears to my eyes. And that is why I do what I do. I still believe these weddings are making history, changing minds, bringing people together and validating relationships one wedding at a time. And it's my job and my pleasure to make this process as easy as possible, creating a beautiful, memorable event for these lovely folks.

This story in photos is here...

I think it will be fun to tell some stories related to planning my own gay wedding in Boston. Let me start by saying it's a lot of pressure! I'm quite certain, no matter how it turns out, that I will be judged!

The Ring and the Engagement
Sometime before Jen moved in, we had conversations about ring styles and I had a sense of what she wanted. I even had a photo of what she liked. One day after I left a client's office in downtown Boston, I decided that, just for kicks, I'd go ring shopping, get a sense of what the cost might be, etc. This is one of the parts of planning a wedding I've never been involved in, since my clients always have the ring when I meet them!

The second store I went had the setting in stock, showed me some diamond options and before I knew it, I bought a ring (which looks similar to the one on the left). It happened so quickly and so easily, much more so than I expected. In the week or so it was being made, I thought of all these elaborate and clever ways to propose. When I picked the ring up, I buried in the back of my file cabinet and tried not to think about it - I wanted to wait a few months.

A few weeks later, Jen moved in. That Sunday night, I made dinner (and it was terrible) and we sat in our pajamas, looking adoringly at each other when Jen took my hand and said, "I can't imagine being any happier than I am at this moment." I'm not sure what came over me - I think I saw that as a challenge - and politely excused myself to get a "sweater." I returned with the ring, mumbled something sweet, and before I knew it, we were engaged!

Everyone has a different story and it's been fun creating my own while working with others. One of my favorite parts of my career is getting to know all kinds of couples and seeing glimpses of their lives. I have worked with couples together 30 years who live in the country; couples who have kids and live on a quiet urban neighborhood street; couples who live in a downtown loft and have season tickets to the Celtics; and couples who, like Jen and I, experienced love at first sight and didn't want to wait any longer to begin the fun part of being together forever.

Back to my story...let's just say that I'm part-Type A, a wedding planner, marrying someone wedding-obsessed, and within two days of our engagement, we had our venue booked...