14 Stories

Here's the rundown of same-sex marriage laws in the three new states:  Delaware, Rhode Island and Minnesota:

Delaware

• first date to apply: July 1, 2013 
• Waiting Period: 24 hours after license is issued
• Witnesses: 2
• Blood Test: None 
• Divorce Decree Required: Yes
• Fee: $50 for state residents; $100 for non-residents
• Where to Apply: Office of the County Clerk of Peace

Rhode Island

• first date to apply: August 1, 2013
• Waiting Period: None
• Witnesses: 2
• Blood Test: None 
• Divorce Decree Required: Yes
• Fee: $24
• Where to Apply: City or Town Clerk's office in the city where the marriage will take place

Minnesota

• first date to apply: August 1, 2013 
• Waiting Period: 5 business days after license is issued (can be waived with a court order)
• Witnesses: 2 
• Blood Test: None 
• Divorce Decree Required: Yes
• Fee: $40 or $110, depending on if you've taken premarital education classes 
• Where to Apply: A County Registrar's office

Such a powerful message today when President Obama became the very first president to mention the LGBT community in his inauguration address. 

I grew up Catholic, and I'll never forget what happened the first time I went to Mass after I came out. I was home from college for Thanksgiving and the priest stood at the front of the church and told the parishioners not to let their children attend an upcoming workshop on HIV prevention put on by the high school because it "condoned homosexuality." I walked out and never went back (except for some weddings and funerals), and it's been nearly 20 years. 

Unfortunately little has since changed with the Catholics. Many people see the Episcopal Church as the closest thing there is to the Catholic Church. Which is why their increasingly progressive stance on same-sex marriage gives me hope. This week, the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. announced that same-sex marriage ceremonies could be performed there. The National Cathedral is the second largest Cathedral in the country and dubbed by Congress as the "National House of Prayer." It's a symbol of Christian faith in America. And now it lets the gays marry. 

 If that's not a step towards equality, I don't know what is. What a year it's been. 

I have worked with hundreds of same-sex couples, many of whom, like me, are "recovering Catholics." We all seem to have some baggage. There's something so powerful about the rituals we grew up with, the Sunday rituals where we know when to sit, when to stand, what to recite, what to sing. And when rejected by that institution, it's a little bit debilitating for many of us. I've planned very very few same-sex weddings in churches, but those are absolutely amongst the most emotional ones for me. 

I'm hopeful this move by the National Cathedral will cause many other dioceses to follow suit. The Episcopal Church has become increasingly progressive in the U.S. and is the largest U.S. denomination to support same-sex marriage. We all know Bishop Robinson was named the first openly gay Bishop of an Episcopal diocese in the U.S. when he was named New Hampshire Bishop in 2003. Several other dioceses in New England have permitted same-sex marriage for a few years now. And last year, the Church itself said that priests could bless same-sex relationships - not the same as marriage but we'll take it. 

 But until this week, the National Cathedral remained silent. But when they spoke, they spoke with eloquence and inspiration, "We enthusiastically affirm each person as a beloved child of God--and doing so means including the full participation of gays and lesbians in the life of this spiritual home for the nation." Amen to that.

It's been a truly incredible year for marriage equality (and for our business!)  Here are some things we are grateful for and excited about from 2012, in no particular order:

• For the first time, a sitting US President, Barack Obama, publicly supported same-sex marriage

• Marriage equality was approved by voters in Maryland, Washington and Maine, bringing the total number of states with marriage equality to 9.  

• Voters in Minnesota defeated an anti-gay marriage bill the very same night!

• Several well known celebrities came out!  Thanks to Anderson Cooper, Matt Bomer, Jim Parsons, Zachary Quinto, Frank Ocean and Lana Wachowski, among others, for bravely coming out and letting LGBT youth know that they are not alone.  

• Congrats to actress Cynthia Nixon, MSBNC Anchor Thomas Roberts and Good Morning America weatherman Sam Champion for marrying their partners in 2012.

• Our business worked with 34 same-sex couples from all over the world on their wedding plans!  The couple who traveled the farthest was from Australia!

• The Gay Wedding Institute had over 250 wedding professionals from all over the world (including our first from Italy, Aruba and Ireland!) complete the Gay Wedding Institute certification course.  Check out the grads here!

• We successfully moved a wedding from one venue to another as a result of Hurricane Sandy...check out that story here.

• I signed a deal for write my second book - coming this spring!

• We launched a clothing line for lesbian, queer and trans weddings.  If you haven't already done so, check out Fourteen!

And that's just the beginning...as always, we have big goals and resolutions for 2013...it will no doubt be another exciting year for 14 Stories and for marriage equality.  Stick with us to see where we go next!

Lots of love,

Bernadette, Jen, Andrew, Janet, Victoria

Now that marriage equality is the law in Maryland, Maine and Washington, here's the rundown on how to get married (note:  you must be 18).  Now, go gay weddings!!!

Maryland

• First date to apply:  January 2, 2013
• Waiting Period: 48 hours after license is issued
• Witnesses:  None
• Blood Test:  None
• Divorce Decree Required:  Yes
• Fee:  $35 and up
• Where to Apply:  Circuit Court's office in the county in which you plan to marry

Maine

• First date to apply:  December 6, 2012
• Waiting Period:  None
• Witnesses:  None
• Blood Test:  None
• Divorce Decree Required:  Yes
• Fee:  $20
• Where to Apply:  Town hall where one of the residents live, or if an out of state couple, any town hall.

Washington

• First date to apply:  December 6, 2012
• Waiting Period: 3 days after license is issued
• Witnesses:  2
• Blood Test:  None
• Divorce Decree Required:  No
• Fee:  $35 and up
• Where to Apply:  County Auditor's office

As you may know, in Massachusetts, there is a 3 day waiting period to pick up a marriage license.  For example, if you apply on a Tuesday, it won't be available til that Friday.  Part of our services in Massachusetts are taking couples to court to petition a judge for a waiver of the 3 day waiting period.

Our team member Janet was with clients this morning and at the courthouse learned that the fee for a waiver of the 3 day marriage license waiting period has increased by $110 due to the new state budget signed by Governor Patrick on Sunday, July 8.  We unfortunately have to pass part of this price increase along to our clients.

As of today, the Destiny Boston package will be priced at $2,300 and the Vows package at $800.

We are very sorry to do this to our many loyal customers.

Wow, I can't believe how quickly time passes but it's been exactly one year since New York State legalized same-sex marriage and we announced our plans to open the New York office!  We are thrilled by our successes in New York and are working on some truly amazing gay weddings with the kindest, loveliest couples from New York and many other states.  

It was amazing how the law passed right before Pride - and what a Pride it was.  I was there and the energy was truly something special.  We can't do much with Pride this year - we have two weddings - but we are celebrating in spirit!

Congratulations New York!  Happy Pride!  And Go Gay Weddings!

Yesterday, the Proposition 1 ballot initiative passed in North Carolina.  I can honestly say that I was in tears.  Our company has worked with dozens of couples from North Carolina over the years, including one of our 5/15/12 weddings and one of our 5/19/12 weddings.  Two couples this month, from (yet another) state which treats them as second-class citizens.  

The passage of this proposition forbids those kind, loving couples from equal marriage, civil unions, domestic partnerships and every other "family" construct.  The way the amendment was written was truly horrifying.

I honestly try to focus this blog on the "how to..." elements of wedding planning, but the truth is that 14 Stories is an activist-type company.  We care about the laws. We only plan legal weddings.  We provide every couple we meet with a list of resources that can help them protect their families.  The reality is, for LGBT couples, marriage is not enough.

14 Stories is paid to plan beautiful weddings, and I love that.  But we have gone through the process of planning our own wedding, having some family support and some not, having to hire a lawyer for all this extra paperwork, the same stuff that every LGBT couple must face.  And that's just the tip of the iceberg of what makes LGBT weddings different. 

I love working with couples who give a damn, LGBT couples for whom this stuff is important, who don't take equal marriage rights for granted and who want to make some slight political statement with their marriage ceremony (and if you don't know how, we have ideas...)

Even if you live in a big city (like we do) with many LGBT friends (like we have), please don't take whatever rights you have for granted.  We have to keep fighting because, in most of the world, our LGBT brothers and sisters have no rights.  Even in states like California and Florida with "gay mecca" cities, LGBT couples have very limited rights.  

Your marriage and wedding is important, of course, but please, above all, protect your family.  Please contact us if you need resources in your area for financial planners, estate planning attorneys, insurance agents and other professionals who can help protect your family.

And please, along with us, keep up the good fight.  It's not just about the wedding.

As my regular readers know, my favorite part of a wedding is the ceremony because of its power and potential to change the world.

Whenever possible, I encourage LGBT couples to use a Celebrant to officiate their gay wedding ceremony.   Not everyone who is a non-denominational minister is a Celebrant.  Those who are officially Celebrants have taken intensive coursework on world cultures and traditions and been taught how to use stories to create custom ceremonies.  The curriculum is rigorous! 

Celebrants are ideal for couples who may be interfaith or non-religious but whom want a meaningful and powerful wedding ceremony that is more in-depth than what a judge or Justice of the Peace may provide. 

Our own wedding (July 3, 2009) was officiated by Celebrant Cindy Matchett of Meaningful Weddings.  Our wedding guests LOVED our ceremony which told the story of our relationship, shared some of our favorite things about each other and incorporated our cultures.  Last year she officiated our son’s non-religious baby blessing.  We absolutely adore Cindy and she feels like one of our family.

I’m honored to have been asked to give the keynote speech on April 28 at the Celebrant Institute’s Collective Wisdom Conference.  This conference is part of the graduation of the current class of Celebrants and I’m excited to share with them my perspective on the power of same-sex weddings.

If you are looking for a Celebrant, you can find one in your area by visiting www.CelebrantInstitute.org