Wedding Planning in 15 Steps

Most people who find this website are engaged and planning a gay wedding in New York, Boston or somewhere else – and most people really don’t know how to begin! Here’s the cheat sheet for you, a quick list of what to do, and in what order. 

If you really want to keep things easy, download our free app,Gay Wedding Confidential or buy our book of the same name! Both have all these tools in more detail.

1. Make your guest list and stick to it. Create guest list policies. Figure out if you are having attendants. 

2. Figure out how much you can afford to spend and where the money is coming from. Then revisit the guest list and trim if necessary. 

3. Have a conversation with your partner about the non-negotiables that each of you may have about your overall wedding vision. For someone it may be a beach ceremony. For the other it may be getting married by a rabbi like my brides in the photo above, who wanted both. And so forth. Know each of your non-negotiables. (this very important step comes from Kathryn Hamm at

4. Hire a gay wedding planner to take care of the rest of these steps for you! Of course…and this is why

5. Find a gay-friendly wedding venue that meets your criteria for non-negotiables, guest count and budget. 

6. Shop for your wedding outfits and for your wedding party, also, if applicable. 

7. Block hotel rooms near your wedding for out of town guests. 

8. Make a wedding website and send out save the date cards. 

9. Hire all the gay-friendly wedding professionals who only do one wedding per day (photographer, officiant, band, DJ, etc) 

10. Spend time thinking about colors, themes, design, layout, flow, personal details like favors, etc.

11. Hire the gay-friendly wedding professionals who do more than one wedding per day (florist, cake maker, caterer etc) 

12. Send out invitations, collect responses and figure out where everyone is seated. 

13. Create a very detailed wedding day schedule and send it to everyone you’ve hired to be involved with your wedding. 

14. Have a rehearsal! 

15. Get married!

Did you just get engaged over the holidays?

(photo by Kat Hempel)
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