Keep in mind the following as you are discussing your own wedding party:
- It’s OK if someone declines your request to be in your wedding party. They are not obligated to accept – it could be a financial, work issue or something else. Don’t guilt anyone out.
- Choose the people with whom you are closest to be your attendant.
- You don’t have to ask people to be your attendant just because you were in his or her wedding. Stand firm if you don’t want them as your attendant. It can be an emotional land mine – but it’s your wedding.
- You don’t have to have the same number of attendants on either side. It doesn’t have to be matchy-matchy. You don’t have to go out and make new best friends or invite people you’d rather not for the sake of symmetry. No symmetry required.
- Some people are not comfortable with gender roles associated with wedding tasks
- Many gay couples do not have children at their wedding
- In many gay weddings, people other than the Best Man offer toasts
- Many gay weddings don’t have bachelor parties or bridal showers
- Many gay couples don’t ask their attendants to dance with one another.
- Many gay couples don’t expect their female attendants to all wear the exact same dress, if they are even asked to wear a dress at all. For dresses, I’m a fan of designers like J Crew and Aria where you can match the fabric in a variety of dresses that flatter every figure.
- There are often no formal introductions at a gay wedding, or if there are, it’s typically just the newlyweds.
Jen and I each had two girls on our sides, so four in total. All but one were actually straight. The girls were in charge of invitations and activities at the bridal shower. They also threw us a bachelorette party but otherwise didn’t have a ton of responsibility. They were all asked to wear navy but had complete freedom in their outfit selection. They were not asked to give toasts. They were not asked to dance with one another.
In short, if you’re planning a gay wedding, there’s a good chance you might be asking a lot less of your attendant than your heterosexual counterpart.
Are you planning to have a wedding party? What are you asking of them?
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