14 Stories

I get the question all the time - how do I design my wedding?  How do we choose colors?  Themes?  Do I need a theme?  How and where do I use this theme or color scheme?  My advice - start with the paper!

Truthfully, the save the date card is often the first your guests hear of your wedding plans.  It's the first element that arrives in the mail, teasing them as to what's to come.  You might as well make it interesting...

Start with that and weave those same design elements into your invitations, your ceremony program, your dinner menu, your escort and/or place cards, your table name signs, your thank you notes and so forth.  How cool to see a seamless design throughout.  It's just classy and elegant.  And I'm a big fan of green weddings, so even if you skip the ceremony program and the menu, you can still have a cohesive design theme.

Start with the paper.  And please make it recycled and preferably FSC certified.

For a number of my clients who have wanted custom design work, I've collaborated with a local graphic designer whose work I adore and whose work ethic and values I greatly respect and admire.  We are big fans of one another and I assisted with her wedding to her adorable groom Ben last summer.  Early this year, we agreed to collaborate on custom-designed stationery for couples, so this week I opened up a Stationery Design section of my website.

Please check it out if you are looking to give your wedding personality from the very second your guests open the envelope or see that postcard arrive in the mail.

If you've had especially interesting wedding stationery, I'd love to see your examples of how your personality came through - show them off to me!

This morning I met a charming lesbian couple from Georgia at their hotel and had them married by early afternoon.  Turns out while I was busy with the girls, the governor of Maine was holding a press conference announcing his signing of a bill legalizing gay marriage in Maine.

And later this afternoon, the New Hampshire House signed a bill legalizing gay marriage there!  Since the Senate already signed the bill, it now goes to the Governor and we don't know what to expect from him.

And yesterday the Washington DC Council voted to recognize gay weddings performed legally in other states.  DC residents, come here to New England!

Seriously, all this news is making me dizzy with excitement, with business ideas, and with more and more energy and momentum.  It's such a dynamic time in history.  Five years from when gay marriage came to Massachusetts and from when my business began, the tides have turned and three states have legalized gay marriage within the past two months. 

My business and my clients continue to inspire me.  I truly am blessed to have stumbled into a career that has become a vocation and my heart (next to Jen, that is...) 

Congratulations to the residents of Maine who now have marriage equality.  Thank you to EqualityMaine, the Maine Civil Liberties Union and the Maine Women's Lobby for all you did to make this possible.  Thank you to the Washington DC Council and the New Hampshire Freedom to Marry Coalition.  New Hampshire residents, call your governor and show your support for marriage equality!

And on a purely playful note, how fun will it be to plan legal gay weddings in Ogunquit, Maine!  Just 90 minutes from Boston, it's a great gay escape and I am completely giddy by the possibilities.

Last night was my Weddings Redefined workshop for engaged same-sex couples, generously hosted by Umbria Restaurant.  Thank you to all who came and to our generous hosts - it was a lot of fun and I truly appreciate your participation.  Umbria is a great spot with a number of very flexible and visually interesting function spaces and I hope that some of you book your wedding, rehearsal dinner or party there.  Anyway, I love doing this workshop because I meet couples at all stages of planning, from those getting married this in a few months to those who haven't even set a date and are in the midst of venue research.

There are always so many great questions and while I have a lot of information to share, my favorite part is how interactive the workshop gets.  Not only do the guests mingle with each other and with us, but the workshop itself has Q&A throughout and allows for an informative and conversational dialogue around the room. 

Last night we talked about... invitations, etiquette, venue selection, dos and don'ts of toasts, my beef with Ipod receptions, qualities of a great DJ, linens, personalizing your wedding, gay wedding traditions, elements of wedding design and a lot more.  I gave away most of my secrets, including some great venue ideas, some of my favorite vendors and design inspirations.  I talked about our wedding, and my intern Jessica, who I'll introduce to you soon, talked about hers.

I've had a lot of interest in this seminar and many people couldn't make it last night but rest assured that once wedding season is behind us, I'll host another seminar in the fall and another in the winter. 

Congratulations to all the sweet and adorable couples and thank you for coming! 

We mailed our wedding invitations to our domestic guests on Tuesday, our international guests last week.  Our wedding is officially 63 days away!  I literally can't wait to see the responses.

Typically wedding invitations are mailed about 6-8 weeks before the wedding, requesting a response within 2-4 weeks.  I get a lot of questions about invitation etiquette and keep a stack of former clients' invitations on hand to show current clients various styles, inspirations and printing methods.

What I like about the invitation (and save the date cards) is that it can be part of a cohesive theme that is carried throughout your wedding stationery - on the ceremony program, escort cards, table name signs, menus and so on.  The save the date and invitation can be part of the process of teasing your guests as to what they may expect on your wedding day.  Enjoy these invitation resources!

The Wedding Workroom had a great blog post this week about invitation printing methods and they broke it down easily and logically, so check that out here.  I'd add, however that high quality digital laser (flat) printing often replaces lithograph printing for more contemporary invitation styles.

Want something completely custom and hand-drawn?  Check out the stunning work of Pier Gustafson.  Yes, he can just address your envelopes but he can also hand-draw a map and entire invitation suite.  Or you can have something custom and personalized cooked up by my favorite designer, J Sherman Studio.

Some couples are looking to green their wedding invitations and I'd recommend that you start with Twisted Limb Paperworks.  We had green wedding invitations but because ours were printed on 100% recycled cotton paper from a fantastic Etsy designer.

If it's easier for you to shop online than in a store, my favorite sites are Wedding Paper Divas, Oslo Press and Papeterie Store.

Many couples don't know what kind of wording to use - I love how the folks at GayWeddings.com (who also sell invitations) have tons of verses to look through.  So do the folks at Invitation Consultants.

Once the invitations are in hand, what's the process for assembling, addressing and mailing them?  This WedAlert.com article is great!

A few quick notes on my most commonly asked etiquette questions:

• yes, many couples are skipping the inner envelope to save paper, money and keep the vibe less formal;
• yes, it's OK if you use (preferably clear) address labels rather than handwriting or hiring a calligrapher (as long as you are prepared for the backlash from the more traditional members of your guest list);
• and yes, it's OK to invite single people without a date (though if they are in a serious relationship, even if not living together, their partner should be invited).

Did I miss anything?  I hope this helps!  Have a great weekend!

One of the questions I often get from couples and clients and reporters and anyone curious about gay weddings is, "what is normal?"  "What does a gay wedding look like?"  This is one of the reasons I developed a seminar for engaged same-sex couples and another seminar for those in the wedding industry hoping to work with them.

I have a lot of answers to this question and will be posting them in the coming week or so.  But this question is coming up in Iowa right now - couples never expected this day will come and don't know what to do to prepare or how to make their wedding special.  In fact, I went to an event last night where I heard a story of an Iowa couple who came to Massachusetts to get married one week before the ruling came down.  For most, the ruling was a complete shock.  And as of this past Monday, same-sex couples in Iowa began applying for their marriage licenses and are now thinking, "Now what?  How the heck do I plan a gay wedding?"

Any wedding, gay or straight, should be about the personality and style of the couple - don't let anyone tell you differently.  The fundamental decisions are the same: you still have to think about how much to spend and who to invite, and where to have the celebration (though with same-sex weddings, those decisions are often complicated by fears related to coming out or homophobia).

But everyone wants to hear about the differences, not the similarities - I'll get into a lot of these but let's start with the rings...  Many (but not all, of course) gay and lesbian couples don't wear engagement rings.  But for those who wear engagement rings, who proposes?  Does that person then get proposed back to with their own engagement ring?  Sorry I don't have any answers on this one.  Many just wear wedding bands, but walking into a jewelry store with your lesbian fiancee or wife looking for a wedding band can be intimidating to say the least, especially if you would like a nontraditional band.  Call around ahead of time to gauge the temperature of your local jewelers about working with same-sex couples.  They may be great, or you may encounter an awkward pause or there may be outright homophobia but at least you are dealing with it on the phone rather than face to face.  So while there is no standard "gay engagement ring" or "gay wedding band", this can be one of the first areas where you as a couple can express your personality through your wedding.  And in the coming week, I'll be talking about many more.

I've produced so many weddings by now that I have excellent instincts about the art of wedding production.  One of the "rules" I have for most couples is: 2-4 toasts, max. Designate those articulate and funny individuals to toast in advance.  Tell me who is toasting.  I'll schedule the time for the toasts and cue the toast accordingly so that the caterer, photographer, cinematographer and DJ/band are all ready for them.  No "open mic" toasts.  Keep the toasts less than 5 minutes each.  Keep them clean.  Simple enough.

Sometimes rules are meant to be broken.  And I'm absolutely thrilled that my clients from this past Saturday's wedding broke my rules of toasting.  The gentlemen who live in Manhattan brought about 52 friends and family from literally around the world to Boston to celebrate their wedding (the Massachusetts economy thanks them).  It was a beautiful, classy wedding, with live Brazilian jazz all evening - and no dancing. 

Throughout the amazing three course meal at Radius, there were toasts - 11 in all, starting and ending with the grooms.  I have to say that those 11 people were among the funniest, sweetest, most generous and affectionate toasters I have ever heard.  Which is not at all surprising because the grooms are funny, sweet, generous and affectionate and it's only fitting for them to have such a great community of friends and family.  So 11 toasts, all brilliant and everyone had an amazing time.  And I'm thrilled to have my rule broken.

I should add that it's become a gay wedding tradition for the bride/bride or groom/groom to toast each other and their guests.  Jen and I are planning to toast our guests with mead, based off the Celtic mead toasting tradition but updated, of course, for our gay wedding.

I can't wait to show you the photos and tell you more stories from this urban chic wedding later this week.  Here's a hint...

Any other tips for toasting from out there?

In tribute to the lovely weather today and the 80 degree weather expected this weekend, I wanted to post about one of my favorite wedding visuals - crisp white (or off-white) suits.  I love it love it when all the groomsmen wear white suits.  It feels so summery and beachy to me, so classy but fun. 



Photos by Grazier Photography and Margaret Singer

But the girls are important, too, so a tribute to beautiful brides in white....let wedding season begin!



Photos by Jackie Ricciardi, Derek Goodwin, Closed Circle Photo and Gretje Ferguson

And on that note, I need to go shopping for my own wedding suit, oh my!

Tomorrow is our all-important catering tasting.  Whenever I'm working with clients, the tasting is one of my favorite parts of the planning process.  Free food, yes, but the look in a couple's eyes when they actually sit down and taste the food they may be having on their wedding day is pretty special.  Especially, of course, if it tastes good and they are comfortable and happy with the process.  The tasting makes the wedding begin to feel ultra-real.

Your tasting should include at least a few of the passed hors d'oeuvres that are part of your most recent wedding proposal, as well as 2-3 of each: first courses, entrees and sides.  If the caterer or venue is providing wedding cake, you should be able to taste that, too (though I admittedly prefer to go on cake tastings separately).  So, in the spirit of our own tasting (which I'll undoubtedly be debriefing via blog next week), I wanted to share some questions to ask during your own wedding tasting. 



Our venue provides the food and beverage for our wedding so we'll be at the venue, not at the caterer's office, which leads to many more questions.  But off we go:

• How is the food presented? 
• Are hot dishes served hot and cold dishes served cold? 
• Is the plate presentation appetizing? 
• Are the hors d'oevures easy for your guests to eat?  Side note:  I hate skewers - they are awkward and unattractive!
• Do the flavors pop and are they complex?  Is the food absolutely divine?
• Do the courses flow well together?  Is there too much of one kind of protein or do you have items that are very divisive (like goat cheese, which I love)?  I'm not saying you need to change or eliminate those items!
• Is there a nice balance of selections for vegetarians and carnivores?
• Will there be any in-season changes to the menu?
• When is the latest date you can make a change to the menu?
• Is the caterer managing your rental order?  Did you pick linens yet?  Make them show you swatches!
• Are the plates you're eating off the same plates you're using on your wedding day?  Same for flatware and glassware?
• Will you be having chargers?  Side note: Say yes!  Chargers are lovely!
• What is their standard napkin fold?  Do you like it?
• If you are a same-sex couple, be sure to get assurance that every last person on the service staff will treat you right! 
• If you need them, does the caterer or venue provide menu cards?  What is the heading at the top of the cards?
• Think about when you will be having a champagne toast.  Do you want the champagne pre-set at the dinner table?
• What is the approximate timing for dinner?  How long does it take them to get through 3 courses if it is a plated meal?
• Is there a separate cake cutting fee?
• Will they be providing tableside wine service?  Do you want them to?
• Confirm whether the fee includes staff gratuity?  Side note: typically not included when you are working with an outside caterer.
• Confirm the bar setup if you are hosting the bar: flat fee per person or consumption?  Maybe you're lucky enough to bring in your own alcohol.
• If possible, taste your wedding wine with the food.  If the venue provides the food and bar, then ask them for a wine tasting.  If you're bringing in your own caterer and bar, then bring your own wine to the tasting!
• What time will the caterer begin setup?
• If you haven't already done so, ID a location for your gift table, guest book, escort cards
• Confirm the flow of the space if the ceremony is held onsite: where does everyone go for cocktail hour while the room is being flipped for dinner?  How much of the dinner tables are set up prior to the ceremony and how will they be hidden discreetly?
• If you don't have a wedding planner to manage the caterer, who will be your day of event go-to person?  What capacity does that person have to act as an event planner and liason with the other vendors like the DJ & photographer?

You may already know the answers to these questions but if not, the tasting is the right time to find out.

Did I miss anything?  Have fun with the tasting!  I know we will - I am looking forward to lobster tomorrow!

Our wedding is now 80 days away - but who's counting.
I'm going to apologize in advance for an "all about me" post but it's getting increasingly odd being on the other side of wedding planning and going through so many of the same issues my clients face.  My concerns and emotions are not issues specific to a gay wedding as much as they are issues any couple may go through.

My parents passed away 8+ years ago so the planning has always been a little bittersweet for me, and I know I'm going to totally lose it on our wedding day.  I'm waiting to hear what our Celebrant has in mind as a way to acknowledge the loss of my parents.  During the wedding ceremony, there's often some subtle tribute to those no longer with us.


Jen's mom will be in town on Friday and together they are going for Jen's final dress fitting.  It's a rite of passage that I will be relying on the kindness of my friends to experience with me - once I figure out what I'm going to wear (but that's another post.)

All of my family lives out of state or out of the country, so only those in my immediate family were invited to our bridal shower on Saturday, and from that short list only one is coming.  Jen's family, on the other hand, lives mostly in Massachusetts - so our shower guests will be Jen's family, friends and my sister.  My sister can hold her own and I am grateful that she is coming but it makes me sad that she is coming alone.  It also makes me enormously grateful to be blessed with amazing friends and to be marrying into a family that completely embraces and supports me. 

Like many brides, I am anxious as to who from my family will come to the wedding. I invited dozens of cousins, aunts and uncles from around the world but have zero sense as to who from my entirely Irish-Catholic family will make the trip to Boston for my gay wedding.  (And of course, this has a significant effect on the budget and my emotions.) 

I have a major client right now whose wedding planning is on hiatus because the brother of a bride recently died - and there's no joy in planning after such a major loss.  The trick is preparing for a wedding as a celebration, to allow yourself to experience the joy of what you have and what you are creating, while finding whatever way you can to acknowledge the journey.

And right now, I know that all too well.  I am hopeful that an aunt or uncle from each side will come to my wedding to "represent" for my parents, but their ages and distance may make that impossible.  But we do what we can.

I spent a glorious spring Friday with clients doing visits of Cape Cod's most spectacular wedding venues.  From Provincetown to Plymouth, we hit them all - it's a great way to get out of the office.

Cape Cod is a fabulous wedding destination - it feels like nowhere else on earth.  A Cape Cod beach town is not like a beach town in any other state.  The venues combine luxury with rustic charm with stunning views.  There are even venues for every budget, believe it or not, though weddings on the Cape are at a premium in typical wedding season.  Because the Cape relies so heavily on wedding and tourist dollars, many places will require long minimum night stays.  And especially on the outer Cape, there are fewer of each kind of vendor, so you better plan ahead!



As you can see above, there's even a vineyard on the Cape - check out the Truro Vineyards of Cape Cod - I love it!

One of the fun parts of planning a wedding on Cape Cod are the decor elements - beyond the typical flip flops and scallop shells - you can really have fun with the imagery and themes.  I love the dune aesthetic, personally.


It's ironic that I'm writing this entry today because this morning I had an inn in Provincetown cancel on one of my clients for their July wedding (20 guests).  And the inn was within their right to do so - though that certainly didn't make me or my clients happy at all.  Very few places in Provincetown will consider hosting a wedding in July and it's not exactly convenient for guests from out of state, but Ptown is unlike anywhere else on earth and is certainly worth a visit regardless...

If you are considering a wedding on the Cape, there are lots of logistics and it's a bit more complicated than your Boston wedding, especially getting room blocks for your traveling guests, and working with one of the few tent/rental companies on the Cape, and planning for traffic, and finding the best floral designer and photographer.  Though, this stuff is all easy for a professional planner who knows the area.

Second set of photos by Julia Cumes.