14 Stories

I have many things to be thankful for, and I try really hard to be mindful of that every day, although some days it's easier than others.  I am so grateful for a beautiful, supportive wife, adorable and fun son, and a thriving business in which I get to do much more than plan weddings, but also be an advocate for the LGBT community.  

Our son turned one on Halloween (I can hardly believe it - it seems like he was born yesterday) and is such a joy.  He and Jen make every day beautiful.

We just returned from a family vacation in the Cayman Islands.  We traveled with our dear friends, Brian and Eric, a married gay couple who live in San Diego.  They are in the process of adopting their own child and we know that our future joint family vacations will be full of even more love, joy and pure fun that share together.

For all of these blessings, I am grateful this Thanksgiving and every day.

I just returned from Engage!, a luxury wedding industry summit held twice a year.  This was my fourth Engage! and I always look forward to this time to re-invigorate myself and my business as well as connect with new and old friends.  I've made so many thoughtful and genuine friends at Engage! - we know how to have a good time yet also hold each other accountable for the goals we set.  Engage! is a time for substantial conversations, deepening friendships and new collaborations in what can be a very intense and competitive industry.

Kathryn and Rebecca, the founders of Engage! (and simply wonderful, kind women who have provided me with invaluable business mentorship) always find a way to top themselves and exceed our expectations.  This time, they recruited our friends Heather and Susan from Gifts for the Good Life to completely brand all of the goodies associated with the event.  Even the chopsticks at the closing party were branded with the Engage! logo.  You know they're good when they impress picky wedding industry talents.

Engage! is also a chance for me to chat with my peers from around the country to hear about their experiences working with same-sex couples (most of them don't get to very often), give advice and answer questions.  I love talking about gay weddings and it's so fun for me to hear the stories from my peers.

To get a sense of this fabulous experience, check out the highlight video from the very talented Elysium Productions below:

engage! 11 Grand Cayman // Part One from Elysium Productions on Vimeo.

engage!11 Grand Cayman // Day 2 & 3 recap film from Elysium Productions on Vimeo.

I have new clients for whom I'm planning a 200+ guest gay wedding on Fire Island in the Pines.  Gay wedding planning on Fire Island requires a mastery of logistics - there are very few resources on the island itself - and most cars (except for the essentials and year-round residents) are not allowed.  We'll have to charter a boat and ship in every table, every chair, light and sound equipment, caterer's equipment, furniture, etc. - but fortunately I have experience with such challenges.

Another consideration for Fire Island is that there are about 700 houses but no real working hotel (yet...there's a small one that is being renovated and promises to be beautifully done and open for 2012).  So, we'll have to reserve a bunch of these houses (many of which are vacation rentals) for wedding guests.  And the only wedding-appropriate structure for a large wedding upwards of 200 guests is Whyte Hall, some photos of which I took below.  Fortunately, Whyte Hall is a fantastic space.

I'm really excited about my new clients and planning a gay wedding in the Fire Island Pines.  Check out the photos below for some inspiration:

the path from the beach to Whyte Hall from the ocean side

Whyte Hall, interior (stage)

Whyte Hall interior

Whyte Hall exterior

Whyte Hall exterior

the ceremony location on the beach

Wedding Pride magazine is a new print magazine that just launched in New York City and I believe it will also be a resource for Fire Island gay wedding planning.   I was honored to have a piece of my book on the same-sex wedding registry excerpted in the magazine, as well as be interviewed for a few other articles.  Check out a couple of the articles here (though I didn't upload the one about bachelor and bachelorette parties) or read the whole issue here.  It's a great resource for gay wedding planning in New York!

Cocktail party style weddings are very trendy right now, particularly with couples who want to do something nontraditional. While sit down dinners are great, they are not for everyone. This style of wedding can work extremely well - or it can be a disaster. Keep these tips on mind to avoid the pitfalls of such a wedding.

1. Feed your guests - a lot. Just because it's a cocktail party style event doesn't mean you can skimp on food. Whether you have passed hors d'oeuvres all night or some good stations mixed in, keep the food flowing. Your food budget will probably not be less than a typical sit down dinner, so get that idea out of your head!  Your guests may be drinking more of the hard stuff since there's no tableside wine service with dinner so you have to keep them well fed. The last thing you want is guests bad-mouthing you because they had to go out for pizza on the way home from the wedding.

2. Provide enough seating. I suggest seats for at least 50% of your guests. These seats can be lounge seats, small cocktail tables, bar seating, picnic benches or whatever floats your boat - but at some point each guest will want to sit so don't leave them hunting for a chair.  If you have many guests over the age of 60, then provide even more seating.

3. Provide adequate flow. Just because it's a cocktail party doesn't mean there shouldn't be a first dance, toasts, a cake cutting or other forms of entertainment. You may have some wallflowers in your group who need conversation starters and those elements do just that. Don't let anyone get bored or the party will end early. I promise.

4. Be aware of time. Most wedding venues rent for a 5 hour reception.  Your guests will start to lose steam at the 3-4 hour mark unless there is dancing - but many cocktail party style weddings don't have dancing.  Don't tell the guests this, but plan for a 4 hour reception and make a game day decision to keep the party going if guests are still having a blast. Tell your vendors that this could be a last minute decision and assign your wedding planner or friend to make the call so you don't have to worry about a thing.

5. Communicate with your guests. Let them know it's a cocktail party rather than a sit down dinner by using the term 'cocktail reception' on your wedding invitation. This sends a signal that they may get less food and that they may want to wear more sensible shoes because of all the standing around. Help everybody by managing their expectations.

Are you planning to host a cocktail reception instead a formal dinner?

(photo by Katje Hempel)