Weddings Redefined

How can you tell if a vendor is the right fit for you?  In addition to the obvious (LGBT-friendliness), pay attention to the following things when you're meeting with them:

• Does the vendor listen more than talk?
• Does he or she seem flexible or rigid?
• Does he or she support your ideas or shoot down your ideas?  
• Your gut instinct.  Do you just click?

Many of my clients' weddings require vendors to think outside the box and be creative.  Some vendors are always used to doing things the same way every time.  I like to push the envelope. 

What do you look for when hiring a wedding vendor?

Part of my mission is to eliminate homo- and trans- phobia in the wedding industry -and to eliminate the assumption that there's only one bride or only one groom...

 Part of what I do is train wedding vendors on the nuances of LGBT weddings - but I need your help!

Please take this survey!

A randomly selected survey-taker will will a $100 iTunes gift card!

This survey will be the largest survey ever conducted of engaged and married same-sex couples and the data will be used to help wedding vendors understand how to work with LGBT couples! 

Please take this survey, share this survey with your friends, and hopefully win a $100 iTunes gift card.

Thanks so much for your help!

Portia de Rossi filed paperwork to have her last name legally changed to DeGeneres to match her wife, Ellen DeGeneres.

They've been legally married for two years now.  The process of changing one's name is pretty easy if you live in a state where gay marriage is legal and you are legally married.  All you have to do is show the certified copy of your marriage certificate to the Social Security administration, then the RMV, then everywhere else.  You're golden.  

If you live in a state where gay marriage is not legal, in all likelihood, you'll have to change your name through the court system.  I actually had a couple tell me that they were denied a name change by a homophobic judge.  It's not just but that's the way it is for now, as long as DOMA stands.

Are you planning to have your name changed when you get married?

Meet Candice and Cherri who came to Boston from Maryland earlier this year for a mini luxury elopement in Boston.  The ceremony was held in Boston Common.  I love these photos!!



Photos by Kristin Korpos

We heard the news this week that Judge Walker, a federal district judge in California, overruled the ban on Prop 8.  Tons of people are ecstatic about this ruling - it's a huge step in the right direction of marriage equality.

Since this ruling has been appealed and will likely reach the U.S. Supreme Court, many LGBT individuals fear that the timing is not right and the U.S. Supreme Court will vote unfavorably.  That remains to be seen but I for one, am thrilled that marriage equality won round one in this Prop 8 case.

So, what does this mean right now?  Currently there is a "stay" on the ruling which means that same-sex marriages have not resumed in California.  Governor Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown, among others, have both submitted motions to have those marriages resume.  We're waiting to see what happens and hoping for the best!

I'm currently working with four couples from California on their wedding plans in Massachusetts.  What are your plans and how will this ruling affect them?

Whether you choose a friend or someone else to marry you, to help you find the person who is best for your needs, here are some questions to ask when meeting with officiants:

• What is your experience with marriage ceremonies for same-sex couples? 
• How do you charge? (You’ll notice that some officiants charge a fee and others accept donations or honorariums, which often go toward the house of worship that they’re affiliated with. Most often these fees are paid in advance, but if not, the payment should include a note of appreciation. This is traditionally presented by the best man, but in gay weddings, can be presented by your wedding planner, best person, or even yourself.)  
• Do you provide a ceremony microphone for yourself and readers? (I recommend a microphone for weddings with more than fifty guests.) 
• Will you attend and run the ceremony rehearsal? If the officiant performs several ceremonies in one weekend, find out whether he or she will be at your rehearsal. Some may not, and if you and/or your planner are not comfortable with that, choose someone else. 
• Do you write custom ceremonies? 
• Do you require pre-marital counseling? 
• Can we write our own vows? 
• Do you have sample readings? 
• How long do your marriage ceremonies usually last?  
• Do you have any audio or video footage of a ceremony you officiated? 

Note that it’s traditional for the officiant and his or her spouse (if applicable) to be invited to the rehearsal dinner and wedding. The officiants I know usually decline because they have their own families and perform at many weddings. But it is a nice gesture to invite them nonetheless.

Many states will authorize a specific person to perform marriages on a specific date. There is typically a nominal fee and some light paperwork required for the privilege. It often takes sixty ore more days to process the application. In many states, a loved one can get a “day pass” to officiate your wedding ceremony. There’s some paperwork and a fee but it is perfectly legal and is a great way to personalize your wedding.  

My clients Andi and Meredith who were married last Saturday had a friend officiate and she did a truly excellent job! She was clear, articulate, humorous, and perfectly reverent. Here are some tips if you are using a loved one as your guest officiant: 

• Make sure you choose someone who is comfortable speaking in front of a large group. 
• The guest officiant should be prepared to take on all the responsibilities of a professional officiant, including coordinating with the musicians and ceremony venue and running the wedding rehearsal. 
• Be sure to make arrangements for a sound system. I always recommend a sound system with more than seventy-five guests and this is something often provided by a professional officiant. If your loved one is officiating, make sure to rent the proper equipment so he or she can be heard. 
• Warn your guest officiant that this isn’t a toast and that they should keep it clean, not tell inappropriate stories, and otherwise be appropriate and well behaved. 
• Ask your guest officiant to speak slowly. Guest officiants have a tendency to get nervous and speed through a marriage ceremony. Remind the officiant to take his or time and speak slowly, not at a hurried pace. 
• If you’re worried about any of this, hire a professional!