Weddings Redefined

Right now I'm working with a lesbian couple planning for a Scottish-themed gay wedding, complete with dark red and hunter green tartan colors.  They originally booked a historic home with classic furniture and decor to complement their theme.  

We just found out that the venue has been sold and the Great Room where the ceremony and dancing will be held has been painted turquoise...not exactly a match to dark red and hunter green. In addition, the furniture has been removed and replaced with contemporary sofas and glass tables. It looks good, don't get me wrong - but it clashes with my client's wedding.

Fortunately we have six months to resolve this and may need to find another venue for their gay wedding.  But when wedding venues are sold, there's no guarantee a couple is going to get what they originally signed on for.  Venue contracts say nothing about changing the decor.  Couples are out of luck if the current or new owner changes decor on a whim.  

I have plan for solving this problem - but tell me in the comments, what would you do?

I don't know how couples who don't have a wedding planner execute their wedding well.  Obviously I'm biased but when it comes to the wedding day, I run a tight ship and my clients' weddings run on time, all the time.  If we run late, then we always catch up.  We have five (sometimes six) hours to get it right and we don't mess around.  It's all about the flow and that's what the guests remember.

In every wedding blog or magazine, the images you'll see are mostly the details - the stationery, the cake, the favors, the shoes, the socks, the dress.  And the details are important and certainly memorable.  I always encourage a cohesive design vision.  I'll tell you that some of the guests don't even notice.  But what they do notice is...

• the first thing they see, hear or are encouraged to do the moment they enter the venue
• whether your wedding starts on time
• the length and tempo of the ceremony
• the food at cocktail hour
• how long they have to stand around before they can have a seat
• how easy or difficult it is to be seated
• traffic/congestion/crowds at the bar, food stations, buffet, receiving line, etc
• the customer service by every single staff member
• the music
• how long it takes to receive their meals
• how long the toasts are
• whether or not they know/like the other guests at their dinner table
• how soon they get to dance
• how the night ends

Some pics from June 4's lesbian wedding at the beautiful oceanfront The Red Inn in Provincetown.  These came in from the great DJ MC Music Productions.  We pulled off this 75 person lesbian wedding in less than four months of  planning! Gail and Paula were a fabulous couple with excellent taste and we loved planning this Cape-themed gay wedding.  

More pics will come when the professional photographer sends them along...









Congratulations Paula and Gail!

In our line of work, as wedding producers, the "hub" of a wedding production process, I hear from a lot of wedding industry vendors.  It only makes sense for vendors like photographers, DJs and so forth to reach out to wedding producers - we are the link to couples.  And for our company in particular, we are the link to same-sex couples.  When I first started this company six years ago, we got tons of press and my phone was ringing off the hook - but mostly from vendors looking for referrals.

It's frankly annoying to be constantly approached by the same-old, same-old vendors, nothing particularly unique or engaging. For about three years, I avoided local wedding industry networking events because I was tired of being offered dull business cards.

I've changed my approach in part because now I have something to sell these vendors in return:  knowledge about LGBT couples the unique aspects and challenges of gay weddings.  I launched my GayWeddingInstitute.com site over six months ago and it's been getting some great traction from vendors who care about educating themselves so they can better serve the LGBT community.  Any vendor who emails 14 Stories soliciting business gets a solicitation in return.  If you want to be brilliant with same-sex couples, I can show you how.  There are lots of dos and don'ts.

If you are a vendor, how are you educating yourself on the unique needs of gay, lesbian bisexual and transgender couples?

In between weddings on Cape Cod last week, I dashed off to a luxury wedding industry summit in the Cayman Islands.  It was an incredible way to meet some legends of the industry and have complete access to brilliant minds more than happy to share their experiences.  Every attendee at this conference was there to kick their business into high gear and poised to push themselves to the next level.  I was the only person at the conference in the business of gay weddings.


photo by Jasmine Star.  Left to right, Millie Bratten from Brides magazine; Sylvia Weinstock; and Marcy Blum

And what a business it is...  Late one night, on his terrace, I shared a drink with Colin Cowie, David Berke (the President of Colin's company) and Rosalind from Two Bright Lights.  We talked about many things but then the topic of gay weddings came up and I was asked (as I often am), what's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?  

As I began to talk through the differences, Colin's eyes opened wide and it was clear I was sharing some new insight he had never previously considered. And just like that, the roles were reversed and I was educating an industry legend.  

Our company, 14 Stories, was the first of its kind in the U.S. and we are still leading the way with research, data and insight into the engaged LGBT couple.  I have the most exhilarating career, coming into the lives of the sweetest couples ever and producing them magnificent weddings - and then sharing the information I gather with the wedding industry at large to ultimately reduce homophobia and heterosexism.  

It doesn't get any better than this...

For those couples whose gay wedding is around the corner, you're probably getting ready to taste some food, wine, beer and signature cocktails. A signature cocktail is a creation that is highlighted during cocktail hour, often passed by wait staff.  It is usually a pretty simple drink (don't overwhelm the bartenders) but it's nice to rename it in a way that is meaningful.

Remember - these are an area where you can personalize the guest experience.  Don't feel limited by the venue's wine list. Don't be afraid to ask for something off-list and find out what the fee is to bring something special in.

If you are lucky enough to bring your own bar to the wedding, the sky is the limit!  Consider a wine, beer or signature cocktail that goes along with your wedding theme.  Our July 3 wedding included a Liberty School Cabernet, for example.  

I encourage my clients to try wines and experiment with signature cocktails at home.  It's fun and good engaged-couple-bonding.  We had a small signature cocktail tasting party during our wedding planning and it was a blast.  

What signature cocktail will you be serving at your gay wedding?

If you're trying to reach me (Bernadette) this week, I'm actually at a wedding industry conference in the Cayman Islands.  Tough life, I know!  It's a great event and I'm excited to catch up with some of my wedding pals from across the country and hopefully make some cool new friends - and hopefully bring back some fabulous ideas for our clients!

We have a plan to deal with urgent matters, though, so please feel free to still call or email if necessary.  I'll be fully back in the loop on June 14.

It's a busy time in the office - we had one fabulous gay wedding in Provincetown this past Saturday and three more big ones (including this upcoming Saturday) before the month is through.  We're really proud of our weddings and will be sharing some photos in the blog so please stay tuned!

Boston-area couples, check out this free seminar on how to protect your family - just in time for Pride!

Planning for the Future: Retirement, Taxes, and Legal Issues facing the LGBT Community
Location: Leonard Floence Center for Living
165 Captains Row at Admirals Hill, Chelsea, MA

Wednesday, June 16th
6:30PM- 8:00PM
Tours @ 6PM & 8PM

Free Program Presented by:

• Attorney Claire A. Bartholome, Law Office of William J. Brisk 
• Laurie Estes, CFP®, CASL, CLU, ChFC Financial Advisor for Northwestern Mutual Financial Network 
• Lorry Sorgman, Enrolled Agent, MST for Small Business Accounting Services 

 To learn more about this program please log on to: www.briskelderlaw.com. To RSVP please call Jennifer Duhaime-Baker by June 14th @ 617-244-4373 x 10 or email jenniferduhaime@briskelderlaw.com

Our contest for a free gay wedding was a big hit!  We had a bunch of great entries from some amazing same-sex couples and the panel of judges really enjoyed reading all of the wonderful stories shared with us.

 Without further ado, we are very pleased to announce the winners: April and India from Nashville, Tennessee. We loved April and India's stargazing story - from the beginnings in Chicago to their current life now in Nashville.



Says April:   "'Conundrum', that would be the word of the day, every day that can describe the story of our lives together. There is not a day that has passed that we have not learned something new about one another. I have two children, ages 8 and 4, girl and boy. India has a 17 year old son. We have slowly merged our families together and now are inseparable. The kids fight just as any brother and sister would fight, India and I discipline them, nurture them, teach them and create family time frequently for our family of five just as our parents did with us.

We come from totally different backgrounds, environments and parenting which brings us diversity and creativity inside of our home. I am 9 years younger than India, I bring energy, motivation and a new generation of thinking that makes her call me crazy often. We have fun together, we cry together, we hope, dream, pray and inspire together. We see our future as clear as day and strive daily to overcome hurdles and obstacles which have came and went...Our future is bright, twinkling just as the stars will be that we observe in the sky. We are still a unit, still in love, still stargazing."

When I am asked what my favorite part of a gay wedding is, my answer is easy: the wedding ceremony.
After all, as much fun as the party is, really it is just a party - and the day is truly about your marriage.

So, how do you make your same-sex wedding ceremony personal and uniquely you?  I'll start by telling some fun client stories:

• One of my first gay wedding clients ever had a pagan wedding. The brides processed together, holding hands, into a recorded version of "All You Need is Love".  The guest chairs were set up in a circle and they greeted their guests during their processional.  There were four altars at which there were blessings.  There was a traditional handfasting ritual and the wedding concluded with a jumping of the broom!  The brides had exactly the ceremony they envisioned and it was perfectly reflective of themselves.
• Another pair of brides had a ceremony co-officiated by an interfaith minister and a District Court Judge/noted civil rights attorney.  Their deeply personal, handwritten vows included phrases like, "I promise to walk with you at sunset every chance I get" and "I promise to take you to Italy at least once a year."  They processed out to a live flute and guitar version of "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" by Stevie Wonder.  Goosebumps! 
• Two grooms with a son had a dear friend officiate their wedding ceremony.  She came into Boston from California quite prepared but try as I might, I couldn't get the grooms to focus on writing their own vows (they had a lot going on in their lives!).  Even at the wedding rehearsal, they still had nothing scripted - nothing like the last minute!  The next day, the ceremony was flawless:  the grooms processed into a live "Trumpet Voluntary", holding their son's hand.  Their friend delivered a stunning ceremony script and the grooms presented before the other the most personal and heartfelt vows I'd ever heard.  There was not a dry eye in the room - and it was so clear why these two gentlemen were absolutely perfect for one another.
• A few years ago, two grooms held their gay wedding ceremony in their gorgeous living room with thirty friends and family members (who had been drinking champagne and having nibbles for 45 minutes).  The 25 minute same-sex wedding ceremony was scripted and delivered by a Celebrant who beautifully told the story of their relationship after asking them to complete individual questionnaires and spending quality time learning about their lives together.  One of the readings was from the book Giovanni's Room, one of the groom's favorite novels...
• ...and after that wedding ceremony, my (now) wife Jen was convinced that ours should be deeply personal and memorable as well.  We hired that Celebrant (Cindy Matchett) to officiate our own wedding.