Weddings Redefined

Stories and advice from Bernadette Smith, visionary owner of 14 Stories, the nation's first firm specializing in creating legal LGBT weddings. Our weddings are unique, personal, beautiful and still, historical. We have offices in Boston and New York.

Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage p4

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, March 31, 2010

We're very pleased to present the eighth in a series of articles about legal resources for same-sex couples. Our goal is to make sure that your gay or lesbian family is protected, both as you plan your gay wedding and continue your lives together. The article below was written by Claire Bartholome, who in addition to being an estate planning attorney, is also a client of 14 Stories.

Recognition of marriage confers hundreds of benefits applying not only to spouses, but to family and next of kin as well. With those rights, however, come responsibilities, and while we celebrate gains in equality no matter the consequences, same-sex couples should understand what true marriage “recognition” will mean for them. Over the next few weeks I will be discussing the mixed consequences of marital recognition for same-sex couples.

This week: immigration. Foreign nationals should not marry or enter a civil union without consulting an experienced immigration attorney. Obtaining a marriage or civil union with your partner will not help fix immigration problems. In fact, applying for a change in immigration status based on a marriage or civil union to a same-sex partner could lead to deportation or future denials of visa applications. GLAD has published some strongly worded warnings including the following information for bi-national same-sex couples.

Immigration is entirely a matter of federal law, not state law. So even if a bi-national same-sex couple does marry in a state where such marriage is legal, the same-sex citizen spouse will not be able to sponsor her or his non-citizen spouse for legal permanent residence.

Applying for legal permanent residence based on marriage to a same-sex partner could lead to deportation. If a non-citizen is “out of status” – marrying a same-sex partner may expose immigration status and open the individual up to deportation.

Generally, when a foreign national seeks to enter the U.S. or apply for or renew legal immigration status, he or she must prove no intention to remain in the U.S. permanently. If the individual reveals marital status and tells a U.S. immigration official that he or she is married to an American, U.S. authorities may infer that he or she actually intends to remain in the U.S. permanently. If an individual lies or misrepresents facts to hide the marriage, the lie could bar future immigration benefits or worse, add to the risk of deportation. Litigation will hurt the cause, not help.

Litigation attempting to obtain immigration benefits based on marriage to a same-sex partner could have disastrous consequences. Congress has virtually limitless power to make decisions about who can immigrate to the U.S. and it is extremely difficult to win more rights for immigrants in the courts. Such a case could lead to deportation for the non-US citizen involved. A negative ruling in such a case could also create a damaging precedent and set back the equal marriage movement for years. Again, foreign nationals should not marry or enter a civil union without consulting an experienced immigration attorney. Obtaining a marriage or civil union with your partner could lead to deportation or future denials of visa applications. These challenges, however, will continue to be a part of the fight for equality … for better or for worse.

Claire Bartholome is an Attorney with the Law Office of William J. Brisk. Her practice specializes in estate planning for same-sex couples in order to combat discrimination, legal challenges, and prejudice. This information is not intended to provide legal advice. For information as to how the laws apply to your specific situation, consult an attorney. www.briskelderlaw.com

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Engagement Photo Shoots for Gay Weddings

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, March 30, 2010

When you're a gay wedding and looking into photographers, you may see engagement shoots offered as part of the photographer's services. I urge you to book an engagement shoot. Why?

This will give you some two one one time to get comfy with the photographer and his or her style and personality. This level of comfort will make your wedding day photos even more spectacular.
Your engagement photo(s) can be used on your save the date card or wedding website. It gives your wedding a bit of personality.
These photos can be used for a wedding announcement submitted to a local paper or LGBT magazine. Many papers now have a "Celebrations" section, not just weddings - and the New York Times is a prime example. Our wedding was featured in the New York Times. That paper is very good about being inclusive - but they need your submissions! Wedding announcements go a long way towards increasing LGBT visibility. Lots of moms read the Wedding section!

Did you schedule your engagement shoot yet? Are you planning to?

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Jaimie Dee - Atlanta Wedding Photographer commented on 23-Jun-2011 02:11 PM

Good info! Thanks for posting

Why You Should Have a Videographer for your Gay Wedding

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, March 25, 2010

Videographers get a bum rap. There's this terrible stereotype of the giant spotlight on the dancefloor in the face of your guests and the cheesy, glossy edited montage video.

Gay couples in particular, are sensitive to and want to avoid this over-the-top, classless cheesiness. Not all videographers are like that. The best are filmmakers, capturing your wedding in a documentary style.

Isn't this lovely?

We highly recommend our videographer, Generations CinemaStories. They have lots of experience with gay weddings and we know that we'll be proud to show our kids our wedding documentary some day. It's for posterity. And gay weddings are historical. I think they should be captured on video as much as possible.

Are you planning to have a gay wedding film? Why or why not?

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Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage p3

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, March 24, 2010

We're very pleased to present the seventh in a series of articles about legal resources for same-sex couples. Our goal is to make sure that your gay or lesbian family is protected, both as you plan your gay wedding and continue your lives together. The article below was written by Claire Bartholome, who in addition to being an estate planning attorney, is also a client of 14 Stories.

Recognition of marriage confers hundreds of benefits applying not only to spouses, but to family and next of kin as well. With those rights, however, come responsibilities, and while we celebrate gains in equality no matter the consequences, same-sex couples should understand what true marriage “recognition” will mean for them. Over the next few weeks I will be discussing the mixed consequences of marital recognition for same-sex couples.

This week: rights to health insurance benefits. While married individuals are now entitled to extend employer-based health benefits to same-sex spouses in Massachusetts, it may not always be in the couple’s best interest.

Generally, employer-based health insurance, even if it requires the employee to contribute to the cost of premiums, provides a significant tax savings since the employee’s portion is purchased with pre-tax dollars. Federal law, however, considers the amount spent on providing health insurance coverage to a same-sex spouse is taxable income, so same-sex couples often owe more in taxes than their opposite-sex counterparts.

There is one exception to the general rule of federal taxation. If a same-sex spouse qualifies as a “dependent” under IRS rules without regard to his or her status as a spouse, the value of the benefit to the “dependent” is not taxed as wages to the employee. Also, in states that recognize the marriages of same-sex couples, there is no state income tax on the value of spousal health insurance benefits.

Some same-sex couples actually pay less overall by maintaining separate health insurance coverage either through employers or by purchasing individual plans. In Massachusetts, individuals can compare the cost and coverage of health insurance plans online at www.mahealthconnector.org.

LGBT Families must also consider how to cover dependent children. If parents maintain two separate health insurance plans, they must research the impact of adding children to either plan. Note also that if the children were not born to one of the spouses during the marriage or if only one spouse is the children’s legal parent, the non-parent spouse will not be able to add the children to her health insurance plan.

If same-sex couples receive benefits through an employer-sponsored domestic partnership plan, specifically for unmarried couples, then marriage may disqualify an individual from benefits. Same-sex couples should check in advance with employers to ensure that they are covered one way or another.

Being treated as a married couple for the purposes of obtaining health insurance is tempered by continued discrimination on the part of the federal government and some employers. These challenges, however, will continue to be a part of the fight for equality … for better or for worse.

Claire Bartholome is an Attorney with the Law Office of William J. Brisk. Her practice specializes in estate planning for same-sex couples in order to combat discrimination, legal challenges, and prejudice. This information is not intended to provide legal advice. For information as to how the laws apply to your specific situation, consult an attorney. www.briskelderlaw.com

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Wish Upon a Wedding

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, March 23, 2010

There is a great organization that grants wedding wishes to couples where one party has a terminal illness, regardless of sexual orientation. It's right in their mission statement: Wish Upon a Wedding is dedicated to granting weddings and/or civil union ceremonies at destinations across the United States to couples who are facing terminal illness.

If you know anyone who would love their wedding wish granted, read through the information below!

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Tips for Tents & Dance Floors

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, March 18, 2010

Earlier in the week I wrote about outdoor gay weddings and why you must always have a rain plan. I'm sick of the rain - but better now than during gay wedding season!

If you do have to rent a tent, you should book one as soon as you find the venue. Keep in mind that you’ll also have to rent a dance floor. There are a few major variables, such as your guest count and the type of dinner you are having (cocktail reception, buffet or food stations, or seated dinner), but in general, the following applies:

For a round dinner table with room for dancing, estimate 18 square feet per person.
If you are having a DJ, add 200 square feet
If you are having a band, add 300 square feet
If you are having a buffet or food stations, add 100 square feet for every 50 guests
If you are having a bar, add 50 square feet per bar

Using this math, based on a 100 person gay wedding with a sit down dinner (not a buffet) and two bars, you will be looking at 2100 square foot tent (approximately). If you have to choose between a slightly smaller tent or a slightly bigger tent, bigger is better!

Dance floors require about 5 square feet per guest. But because only about half your guests dance at any given time, in this example, plan on a dance floor that’s 250 square feet. DJs don’t need to set up on a dance floor but a band might, thereby increasing the size of your dance floor. Review the band’s contract to find out.

More to note:

Tents come in all shapes and sizes. Some tents have poles down the middle (these are called pole tents). Some tents have poles just at the perimeter (these are called frame tents).
If you have the inclination and budget, you can really mack out a tent to be a very cool, well designed, stylish space!
You will also have to rent lights for inside the tent. The tent company should provide you with some options which may include lanterns, paper lanterns, small white bulbs around the perimeter, larger white bulbs around the perimeter, or more.
You should also plan on renting sides for the tent. These can always be quickly removed but should be rented in the event of bad weather, excess cold or excess heat.
The tent company will also offer heaters and air conditioners, which depending on where you live may be necessary.

The cost of a tent, lighting, heaters, sides and dance floors can jump quickly - but keep in mind that if you're working in a space where you can bring a tent, you're probably saving money somewhere else - like on food and beverage. In general, I tell my clients that the price balances out. It ends up being around the same cost to have a wedding in a hotel than it does to have a tented wedding.

Are you having a tented wedding? Tell me about it!

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Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage p2

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Wednesday, March 17, 2010

We're very pleased to present the sixth in a series of articles about legal resources for same-sex couples. Our goal is to make sure that your gay or lesbian family is protected, both as you plan your gay wedding and continue your lives together. The article below was written by Claire Bartholome, who in addition to being an estate planning attorney, is also a client of 14 Stories.

Recognition of marriage confers hundreds of benefits applying not only to spouses, but to family and next of kin as well. With those rights, however, come responsibilities, and while we celebrate gains in equality no matter the consequences, same-sex couples should understand what true marriage “recognition” will mean for them. Over the next few weeks I will be discussing the mixed consequences of marital recognition for same-sex couples.

This week: spouses’ rights to inherit property. Generally, if an individual dies without a Will, his or her estate will be automatically distributed to a spouse and any issue or kindred (children or other family members). In states that recognize same-sex marriage, these rules apply equally to opposite-sex or same-sex couples. If an individual dies with a

Will, however, she or he cannot completely disinherit a spouse unless the couple signed a valid prenuptial agreement. As a result, a spouse is entitled to a share of the estate. This can introduce complications that have traditionally faced only opposite-sex couples.

In Massachusetts and Connecticut, a marriage revokes all previous Wills unless they were made specifically in contemplation of a marriage. Many same-sex couples previously drafted legal documents to protect one another and are now marrying later in life. If they wish to distribute assets according to their own wishes, not according to prescribed state statute, they must complete new Wills after marriage.

Keep in mind, however, that before gay marriage became legal, same-sex couples could omit a partner from a Will in order to benefit other children, individuals, or charities. Now that they are married, a spouse is entitled to a share of the estate even if she or he were omitted from the earlier Will. Certain government benefits, including MassHealth in Massachusetts, will consider the refusal of a spousal share as a gift to the other beneficiaries named in the Will, with dramatic consequences for eligibility (see last week’s post).

Same-sex couples with significant assets must also remember that federal estate tax law, and the federal definition of marriage, determines whether married couples can make tax-free transfers between spouses. Therefore, while an individual can leave hers or his entire estate to an opposite-sex spouse, which will only be taxed upon the death of the second spouse, this benefit is not available to same-sex married couples.

Remember, unmarried same-sex couples or couples in states that do not provide marriage equality may still provide for a partner in a Will. The presumption where there is not a valid marriage is for the individual’s parents or siblings to benefit when an individual dies without a Will. A non-married or non-recognized same-sex partner will be completely ignored as a matter of law.

Being treated as a married couple for the purposes of inheritance requires thoughtful planning, and the benefits of recognition are tempered by continued discrimination on the part of the federal government. These challenges, however, will continue to be a part of the fight for equality … for better or for worse.

Claire Bartholome is an Attorney with the Law Office of William J. Brisk. Her practice specializes in estate planning for same-sex couples in order to combat discrimination, legal challenges, and prejudice. This information is not intended to provide legal advice. For information as to how the laws apply to your specific situation, consult an attorney. www.briskelderlaw.com

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Tips for Gay and Lesbian Couples for the Census

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, March 16, 2010

If you're like us, you received the Census in the mail today or are about to. Although there's no question specifically asking if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, the Census is truly an opportunity to stand up, come out and be counted.

The Census will be counting married and unmarried same-sex couples.

For more information on how to answer the questions on the Census so your family counts, check out www.OurFamiliesCount.org.

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You Must Always Have a Rain Plan

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the past few days, "I feel bad for anyone getting married this weekend."

Yup, we got soaked here in New England. Not much snow but a heck of a lot of rain. But hey, we have gay marriage in almost every state in New England, so I'll take the good with the bad.

We don’t have sunshine every day like they do in Los Angeles, so we always always always have to have a rain plan for our gay weddings. We have our beautiful coastline and many people love beachy weddings, but there has to be a rain plan, and unfortunately sometimes that rain plan doesn’t have the same appeal. Here are some questions to consider when planning an outdoor gay wedding:

Is a tent required or is there enough room inside if the weather is poor?
How cold does the area get in the evening? Will heaters be required inside the tent?
How warm does the area get in the evening? Will air conditioners or fans be required inside the tent?
Do the grounds get buggy during certain seasons?
Are there any drainage issues which could make for excess mud?
How far do the guests have to the restrooms?
Is there plenty of space inside for a ceremony if the weather is poor, and can it then be turned over for a reception while the guests go somewhere else during cocktail hour?
Is there adequate lighting on the property in the evening?
Are there any eyesores which may need to be covered up or screened off?
Is there any foot traffic that may pass through the area or is there security to ensure that your space is completely private?

Finally, if you find yourself in a situation where your perfectly planned outdoor wedding gets rained out and you’re forced inside, think about asking your photographer to do another shoot of you two (kind of like an engagement shoot) in your wedding wardrobe on another day when it’s beautiful outside.

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The Most Popular Reading at a Gay Wedding Ceremony

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, March 11, 2010

The most popular reading during gay wedding ceremonies has tremendous meaning. It's historical. It's beautifully written. It speaks volumes about the significance of a marriage. And it was written by a lawyer...

Well, a judge actually. The most popular reading during gay wedding ceremonies is part of the ruling which legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts (the first state to have legal gay marriage). It was written by Judge Margaret Marshall from the State Supreme Judicial Court. While this is by no means the whole ruling, the passage below is the long version and is often excerpted into smaller chunks:

"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations....Without question, civil marriage enhances the "welfare of the community." It is a "social institution of the highest importance." ...

Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family.... Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's momentous acts of self-definition."

I hope you consider including a piece of history in your wedding ceremony.

Have you written your wedding ceremony yet or are you using a script provided by your officiant?

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Weddings Redefined

Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage p4

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Engagement Photo Shoots for Gay Weddings

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Why You Should Have a Videographer for your Gay Wedding

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Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage p3

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Wish Upon a Wedding

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Tips for Tents & Dance Floors

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Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage p2

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Tips for Gay and Lesbian Couples for the Census

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You Must Always Have a Rain Plan

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The Most Popular Reading at a Gay Wedding Ceremony

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