Weddings Redefined

• There is usually no room rental fee.
• There is often a great chef with delicious, locally grown and seasonal food.
• Restaurants come in all shapes and sizes and styles - they're not generally a "blank canvas" so if you like their decor, you can save money on wedding design.
• The bar tab is on consumption so the party can theoretically go all night (or til the restaurant closes) so the wedding doesn't have to feel rushed.

And the disadvantages:

• There is often no good place to have the ceremony onsite.
• Many private dining room coordinators aren't experienced with weddings so there may be a learning curve.
• There is often no dedicated outside area if you require one.
• Many private dining rooms don't have windows.
• Most private dining rooms have a maximum capacity of around 50-60 guests so you may be limited in choices unless you would consider a full restaurant buyout (in which the restaurant closes for your party).

There exist these things called inspiration boards which myself and other wedding planners often create for clients who are stuck on what colors to use.  

Inspiration boards are essentially a collage of things that you like - they could be colors, objects, themes.  The images could come from weddings, from magazines, from nature.  Do a google images search for "inspiration boards" and you'll see some pop up.

There's a great new easy way to create inspiration boards for your wedding - check out MyKateParkerWedding.com and once you're registered, click the Inspiration link.  You can chose from colors, seasons and more to instantly get perfect inspiration board for you.

Check it out and drop me a comment to share what you've come up with!

Each wedding involves 43 different number of vendors, on average.  Everyone from the hair and makeup people, to the limo driver, to the coat check guy.  And when you, as a gay couple are planning your wedding, you have to come out over and over and over again - to all of these people.  The ones you hire and the ones you do not.  Every time you visit a venue or taste cake, you must come out.  Every time you interview a florist or a wedding planner, you must come out.  This could mean coming out 100+ times over the course of wedding planning.

And unfortunately, in many places (about half of the US states), it's legal for vendors to say, "I can't help you.  I don't do gay weddings."  

Of course every vendor we work with is going to be great but I know that there are others who won't.  If you are two women, you will encounter vendors who will say, "Who's the bride?" - even if they are gay-friendly.

"Hi, I'm getting married to my partner John.  He proposed recently and I wanted to inquire about your venue to host our gay wedding."

A few tips:

• Be pre-emptive in coming out.  Come out right away before they can make any assumptions about your sexual orientation.
• Trust your gut instinct - if there's any awkwardness or discomfort on behalf of whomever you are talking to, call someone else.  Someone else would love to work with you.
• Don't be afraid to ask what their experience is with gay weddings.
• Don't be too quick to dismiss them if they don't have any experience but seem to be a nice and supportive person.

Have you had any awkward conversations where a vendor assumed you were straight?

GayWeddings.com - this site is great in that it features an extensive online boutique where you can find two-bride and two-groom themed invitations, guest book and other items for sale.  They also have an online vendor directory and some planning tips.  This site is the oldest of its kind.

SoYoureEnGAYged.com - I love this site because any vendor you hire from their vendor directory has been screened to be gay friendly and must have inclusive language on their website and in their marketing materials.  That is the #1 thing the separates this site from the rest.  You know you'll be in good hands.  Also check out real wedding blogging by engaged couples and featured real weddings.

What online resource have you found to be most helpful when planning your gay wedding?

How do you choose?  Are you going to keep it simple or have a big wedding in front of your loved ones?

A marriage or a wedding?

There are wonderful merits to both...

Start here with the first step: Be Patient

Step two: Share your excitement.

Step three: Ask for advice (not money).

Step four:  Excitement is contagious.

Step five: Ask for money (if you need to).

Step six: Give them a project.

Step seven:  Distract them some more.

How are your parents feeling about your gay wedding plans?

1.  Create a wedding website.  You can read about my wedding website tips here.

2.  Order and mail your Save the Date cards and include your wedding website URL on the cards.  Keep in mind that your save the dates are the first element that your guests see about your wedding and it's an opportunity to begin creating a design theme that can be seamless throughout your wedding event materials.

3.  Figure out what you want to wear.  Bridal gowns are ideally ordered 6+ months in advance.  Many lesbian brides wear custom-made suits.  Grooms, are you buying a tux or renting?  Are you having a custom suit made?  Custom work and major alterations take months.

4.  Begin comparing and hiring vendors.  Start with the officiant and other vendors that can only do one event per day, like photographer, DJ or band.  Make sure they have experience with or are at least comfortable with gay weddings.

5.  Think more about design.  You may have chosen colors when you had your Save the Date cards made.  But what about other design elements like lighting, flowers, etc?  You can find inspiration on some of the wedding blogs or wedding magazines but the best inspiration comes from your own culture, values and personality.  What do you love and what represents you?

What stage of the planning process are you in?  What part of your wedding are you most excited about?

So, now that you're engaged, where do you begin?  Here's a quick summary of the first five steps of wedding planning (yes, even gay wedding planning):

1.  Create a budget factoring in what you can contribute yourselves (including how much you expect to be able to save by your wedding date), and how much you might expect from parents.  Most of my clients spend an average of $35,000-$40,000 on a 100 person gay wedding in the greater Boston area.

2.  Make a guest list and discuss rules about the guest list (that you should be strict about enforcing).  For example, what is your policy about children?  About co-workers?  About friends of your family?  About +1s?

3.  Hire a wedding planner!  Seriously, if you can afford it, you should, and I'm not trying to plug my business, but it's really good investment.  We can save you major time, stress and even money.

4.  Begin venue research.  Create a spreadsheet of options and set up appointments to visit.  Make sure those venue options have familiarity with gay weddings and gay couples.   Choose a venue.

5.  Set up room blocks for your out of town wedding guests traveling in for the wedding.

Did you get engaged over the holidays?  Where are you in your planning process?