Weddings Redefined

Stories and advice from Bernadette Smith, visionary owner of 14 Stories, the nation's first firm specializing in creating legal LGBT weddings. Our weddings are unique, personal, beautiful and still, historical. We have offices in Boston and New York.

Episcopal Weddings

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, November 30, 2009
Good news for gay couples in Eastern Massachusetts.  If you are so inclined, you may now have your marriage ceremony officiated by an Episcopal Priest.

Previously, Episcopal Priests could bless the ceremony but not actually sign the marriage license.  I saw this firsthand this year when a client had their wedding blessed by the Episcopal Priest but the pronouncement of marriage made by a Justice of the Peace.  The JP also signed the license.

Bishop M. Thomas Shaw III is the local Episcopal Bishop who made this decision, but it only affects churches within his jurisdiction, which is only Eastern Massachusetts.

Are you considering having an Episcopal Priest officiate at your wedding ceremony?




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Name Changes for Gay Couples

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Tuesday, November 17, 2009
One of the questions I get commonly from my out of state clients is how they change their name after marriage.  Here in Massachusetts, you write your new last name on your marriage application and the certified copy you can order will have the new name.  That certified copy will be accepted by the Social Security administration and the RMV.  This works in Massachusetts - but what happens when you return home to wherever you are from?





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Featured Vendor: Katie Martin/Elegance & Simplicity

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, November 16, 2009
Katie MartinI don't do vendor spotlights much but I really wanted to call out Katie Martin from Elegance and Simplicity.

She's been planning and offering floral design for weddings in the DC area for years and all of her weddings are eco-friendly.  She's a nationally recognized expert on green weddings.  Katie's Executive Consultant Tara is a newlywed lesbian and Katie has already planned a good handful of gay commitment ceremonies.  All outstanding stuff - I'm very impressed what Katie is offering for the wedding industry and for the community and I know that I can learn a lot from her about greening my clients' weddings.

But with gay marriage on the horizon in DC, I wanted to mention Katie as a planning resource for engaged gay and lesbian couples.  She's bringing me down to DC in a few weeks to speak to wedding vendors and engaged couples about gay weddings but Katie's already doing great things for the LGBT community.  I know that DC-area LGBT clients would be in good hands with her and Tara as their planners and floral designers.





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John Schneider commented on 03-Dec-2009 05:21 PM
As one of many vendors who attended your workshop in Washington, DC, I appreciated learning much more than I ever knew about becoming a more-prepared vendor for gay ceremonies, celebrations and weddings in our area. As a human being, I'm thrilled by the decision of the local DC authorities to take a significant step into the new world. And, as caring musician, I'm excited by the possibilities of creating musical memories for life formy new clients. Thank you so much! At the risk of throwing too many words into you blog, I'd like to share an already-familiar poem which everyone should re-read once more:

THE ROAD LESS TAKEN by Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Peace!

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Anti-Discrimination Laws

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Friday, November 13, 2009
A lot of people were surprised today when I mentioned on Twitter that yes, it's legal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation in most places.

In fact, there are only 13 states (plus DC) which explicitly ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation AND gender identity (gender identity is a lesson for another day).  I hope you are lucky to live in the great states of:
  • Minnesota
  • Rhode Island
  • New Mexico
  • California
  • District of Columbia
  • Illinois
  • Maine
  • Hawaii
  • New Jersey
  • Washington
  • Iowa
  • Oregon
  • Vermont
  • Colorado
Wisconsin, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Nevada, Maryland, New York and Delaware are an additional 8 states that prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation only. 

That's a total of 21 states (plus DC) where it would be illegal to discriminate against a same-sex couple, meaning in 29 states, a wedding vendor could legally deny services to a same-sex couple.  The PDF map of state laws is found here.

This is why screening vendors is so important!  Where does your state stand?




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More on the Name Change

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, November 09, 2009
I know a lot of people liked the name It's About Time.  And it was a cool and catchy name and it worked great for almost six years.  I receive a lot of compliments on that name.

But it's not about time anymore.  Gay marriage is here, and here to stay.  

We hope that our new name, 14 Stories, will also ultimately be cool and catchy, once you get the gist of what it means.

14 is the number of individual plaintiffs in the Goodridge case which legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts - incidentally, the six year anniversary of that ruling is November 17

The 14th amendment of the U.S. Constitution was used to dismantle segregation in the 1960s after Brown v the Board of Education; it was used to end the ban on interracial marriage in Loving v Virginia; and it was used to end the ban on sodomy in Lawrence v Texas.  All historic victories for civil rights.

We wanted to acknowledge that past as we move forward.  We are inspired by stories, the stories of the past, the stories of our clients and the stories that are still being written.

A little bit of housekeeping:
Thanks for your support.  So, do you like the new name?

Bernadette




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Mary commented on 09-Nov-2009 11:05 AM
Love it. Especially when you explained the reasons behind the name.
"But it's not about time anymore. Gay marriage is here, and here to stay."
Gay Marriage is now more of an noun rather than an adjective, less novelty, more of a commonality. Good move.
Anonymous commented on 09-Nov-2009 11:20 AM
love the new name! good for you! i love that your name has meaning to you personally, but also historically and forward looking. it is great! i wish you all the best! thanks for sharing!
ABC Dragoo commented on 09-Nov-2009 01:15 PM
I love, love, L O V E the new name. It's a fresh start, yet it's a reminder of WHY you do what you do. (Not to mention, it's catchy too!)

Congratulations.
ABC Dragoo
Carrie Lane commented on 09-Nov-2009 07:42 PM
Love the new name Bernadette!I look forward to more stories past and present!

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Thoughts on Maine and Other States

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Thursday, November 05, 2009
I've been thinking a lot about the great state of Maine.

The news early yesterday that voters decided not to allow gay marriage was hard to swallow. After all, it's been a great year for gay marriage with it coming to Iowa (through a court case) and Vermont and New Hampshire (through legislation). It almost felt like it was a given.

The thousands of volunteers who went door to door and called strangers throughout the state to ask for their support of gay marriage, should be applauded. It's hard work, getting out the vote, trying to be persuasive in 15 seconds before they hang up the phone or slam the door. I didn't go up there and I didn't volunteer. I feel absolutely horribly guilty about this.

Maine is a wonderful place and someday will be an excellent destination for gay weddings. It's coastline and mountains provide unparalleled scenery. Its people are kind in the New England way of being kind. And 47% of those people said YES to gay marriage, more than ever before. That's progress.

Most people I've spoken to have had a strange week. Maybe it was the full moon on Monday but things have been slightly off. I do think, though, that we have reason to be optimistic. Washington State voters approved a comprehensive domestic partners act. And although New Jersey voters voted out Gov. Corzine, he has indicated that he'd sign a gay marriage bill before he leaves office and his anti-gay marriage successor takes over. That means that, fingers crossed, New Jersey could be next.

In the big picture, this defeat in Maine is just a small setback. In fact, a Washington Post/ABC poll from earlier this year, indicated that more people supported gay marriage than opposed it. I know it seems surprising given the will of the voters in California a year ago and Maine this year, but we must keep the good fight.

I will keep planning legal gay weddings in the places I can plan them, and those guests whose hearts and minds were changed will tell their neighbors how beautiful it was. Those neighbors will tell their friends and someone else's gay son will get married and it'll be another beautiful day and more walls of resistance will crumble. That's the way it works and that's why I do what I do.

Bernadette




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Gay Wedding Tradition: Pre-Ceremony Champagne

Bernadette Coveney Smith - Monday, November 02, 2009
More often than not, and enough to call it a gay wedding tradition, guests to gay weddings are greeted with passed sparkling wine and water before the wedding ceremony.

Why?  It sometimes happens with straight couples.  Why is this so common with gay weddings?

The main reason is that gay weddings are different.  Most attendees to gay weddings are straight and have never been to one before.  They don't know what to expect and may be a little on edge.

The passed sparkling water and wine lets your guests know that this wedding will be different.  That it will be fun.  And that yes, let's take the edge off a little bit.

We did it at our wedding and it was a big success (even when the photographer accidentally kicked over a poorly placed glass during the ceremony).  Mazel tov!

Have you been to a wedding where this has been offered before?  Wasn't it fun?




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